Back to the plan?

Today, RocketMom headed out of town with the two younger boys to pick up our oldest at his grandparents. He's been there for the week attending a summer camp. I had my intern over this morning for a few hours, then... I've been alone. I think perhaps this is the longest I've been alone at home since we moved here. It's been a time to reflect on things. I realize how important my family has become to my sense of self, how much of my motivations and quotidien decisions circle around being part of a domestic group.

It's been a time for me to reflect on where I am in life, and where I'm going. I submitted my second stage contract proposal earlier in the week. I'll still need to work up a contract with them. But it seems ever more expected that this will simply go. I can't quite bring myself to disbelieve it... but I remain amazed at how far I've come these past few years. And I'm hoping to submit yet another new grant proposal in the next couple weeks. That'd make four outstanding proposals, on top of the expected two-year contract. Each one of them represents the potential to hire another one or two or three additional employees over the coming year or so.

Some of you have followed me on this journey from desperate academic seeker to whatever I've become. Three years ago, I wrote:

I know where I want to be in 5-10. I want to be director of an interdisciplinary institute or center on my area of study, bringing together researchers and faculty from a variety of disciplines and methodological backgrounds to focus on the subject matter.

I find myself, three years later on the verge of heading just such a team. Not quite the plan I had. In some ways, more independent. I'm not running an insititute or a center, I'm running a start-up, a bootstrap as they say (meaning not a penny from investors, just me). I've gotten two contracts, and a third on the way, enough to hire a small team. And it's all on me.

There's an ad I've seen on the web, showing a business card, that slowly adds more and more titles: President, CEO, Accountant, HR, Receptionist. I chuckle. It's not a joke. I'm the grants writer, and the payroll specialist, the PI, and the maintenance engineer, the purchasing agent, and the janitor. But soon, oh so very soon (even if it's months away), I'll be the director of my very own hand-picked research team, engaged in my very own hand-picked projects.

It's humbling. And inspiring. It's what I wanted those years ago. In a sense. The odd thing is: I fell into this role, being an entrepreneur, a business owner. Looking over things, I came across a post over at BlogHer by my friend Leslie , that linked to some of my posts from early 2006, when I was still in the thrall of academia, wanting so much to just persevere long enough to make it. I never did, at least not in that realm... but oh I held on.

It's just somewhere along the path, I meandered. I tired of the monotony of application, rejection, application, rejection, appli... Finally, I emerged, hesitantly, uncertainly. Less than a year ago I got word of my first contract four years after completing the PhD. Four .. very .. long .. years. Only a month ago, I got word that the transition funding was approved, and that I was invited to submit a two-year contract.

This is all still new, the paint is still drying. Yet another chapter in my life is about to begin. Wow!

A desperate quest for we

I suppose what most motivated me in my desire to hire my friend has been what I might call "a desperate quest for we." I have often noted the loneliness of my position. It was desperately, depressingly lonely on my faculty job search. I reiterate (even to the disbelief of my friends Lilian and BrightStar), in nearly five years of searching, beginning the year before I completed my dissertation, I applied for no less than 150 faculty and related positions! Only then, finally, throwing in the towel in my quest to become a respectable academic.

In all of that, and even now, I have sought to find a home for my research and my energies, where I could be a part of something bigger than myself and my own thoughts. Yes, as undine points out, I have attained an enviable degree of present success. And yet, I'm still a me not a we. I think of BrightStar's recent musings about collegial issues, and part of me is nothing more than envious that one could even have colleagues.

But, when all is said and done... I guess the grass over here is pretty green after all, even if I find myself more often than I'd like enjoying it alone. Let's hope hiring won't be like trying to buy friends. There's work to be done. I just hope I can find some pleasant company to join me in the task.

Echoes of Thomas Paine

What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly.
-- Thomas Paine

And so it is still today. I find myself in the awkward position of offering a research position to a former colleague of mine (a cohort who only this year filed his dissertation, four years after I did) who hesitates to accept. He's still holding out hope (not entirely without reason) of landing a faculty position, and he hesitates to join me in these northern climes. I like him. But, truth be told, I'm not desperate.

I admit, part of my desire was to begin with someone I could trust, someone I knew. I guess there's something to be said for simply advertising and reviewing applications. Maybe what I really need is to to see what sort of interest I might attract by putting an advertisement out there. I hear that a research post with a startup paying in the range of $40k/year plus benefits in an area with a cost of living more than 20% below the national average ought be quite attractive to a host of qualified candidates.

Funny thing: no one called me up and offered me a job when I graduated. I worked for this. And damned if I'm not going to enjoy it, with or without hiring my friends.

What a change!

I got back from the lakehouse on Sunday evening. I spent a couple days fiddling with my budgets, and following up on possible office space (lease or buy?), as well as catching up on emails, and myriad miscellany.

It's at times overwhelming: A couple years ago, I was in Adjunct Servitude and spending half my income on a rented office space for a business that existed only within those four walls and my mind. I have often fretted over how lonely it is without the support of an academic institution or an employer, or even a team of coworkers.

It was nearly a year ago that things started to change. I was awarded a six-month contract (it lapsed about four months ago), worth about ten times what I made per semester as an adjunct! We had recently moved into our home, and I had setup shop in a home office, now cluttered with two large "L" desks on opposite corners, three computers (two desktops and a laptop), an overflowing filing cabinet, a couple printers, and a couple storage cabinets.

I've got an intern now. Last week, I received official notice that the second part of my initial contract had been funded, to provide transitional support while I go through the process of proposing and negotiating a two-year contract for continued research and development (worth 100 times what I made in a semester as an adjunct!).

I'm no longer quite alone (for now at least I have an intern). I expect to hire three post-docs in the fall or early 2010. What a change! And I'll be paying them more than two and a half times my annual salary as an adjunct (with health and retirement benefits, bonuses and raises, that make a former adjunct giddy)! It feels good to be on the verge of accomplishing that.

But there are so many details to attend to: the office space; the final proposal and contract negotiations; budgeting, payroll, and accounting; legal and patenting; ordering equipment and software and furniture and office supplies; Interviewing and hiring candidates; benefits administration.

And in the midst of it, my principal hard drive failed yesterday morning! Drive 0 not found. No bootfile. Aargh! I had made a backup of all my important business files (meaning the research and administrative materials) before heading to the lakehouse. I had a backup of the entire computer from October (yeah, I should do it weekly!). Mostly, I lost the last few months of pictures, and some household documents.

And... I lost the work I had done on budgetting and such from the first part of this week. Okay, a couple days to recover. It's frustrating, because I need to get that final proposal in soon! And the budget is significant, since it determines how many labor hours I have to spend on the project, and thus what I can reasonably promise in the plan of work.

But, these are minor annoyances. Truly, honestly, amazingly--I am thankful for where I am, for what I have. Today is a better day than yesterday, metaphorically and literally.

More than a commitment to diplomas

The American Federation of Teachers FACE blog has a recent posting ("Why Faculty Need to Speak Up") about the Obama Administration's commitment to "improving degree attainment rates in higher education." Lost in the fray however is any commitment to restoring learning to education. Without a commitment to increasing the number of faculty and raising the standards of employment for contingent faculty, any commitment to graduation rates is a hollow indulgence, worshiping diplomas for their own sake rather than the education that should underlie it.

Let's put it plainly: the heart of education is the relationship students attain with learning. The most salient models students are exposed to are the classroom faculty they encounter every day. It is those faculty who must be the center of any and every effort to improve the quality and accessibility of education. As the title of that posting suggests: indeed, it is high time faculty speak up. It is high time that contingent faculty walk away from mistreatment. It is high time that tenured or tenure-track faculty make plain their displeasure with the system that shuts out so many promising scholars, because of lack of funding for faculty positions, and the disgraceful overuse and abuse of contingent faculty, with no job security and often no benefits.

Only when we have a powerful collective voice, when we look beyond our own private battles for tenure for instance, or cower under the ridiculous restrictions to free speech that are being demanded by administrators, will we have meaningful and productive change. Hell, if the Iranian people can rise up, so can we!

R&R

I'll be heading out to the lakehouse this weekend with RocketMom and the boys. My wife's family often gathers at her grandparents' lakehouse to celebrate national holidays, most prominently American Independence Day. Since no one lives there year round any more, it's pretty much free for us to stay on as we like. It's about two hours or so from us, and more like 20 minutes from most of the family. We'll spend the week there, down a dirt lane, alongside a small lake, surrounded by trees and frogs (and mosquitos).

The place has a lot of meaning for us. A couple years ago when we joined the family, from our remote residence in southern California, we made a decision that we'd be happier nearer family, with access to such a beautiful and peaceful refuge. Until then, we had an inkling that we'd be moving on, to start over with a house and a home, but we weren't really sure where.

During the past year since we moved here, we've been there a few times, relaxing, rejuvenating. Returning from there a year ago was when I first heard of my selection to receive a first stage contract to support my research. Yesterday, I got a call from one of the mid-level administrators at the agency that will be funding my second stage, apologizing for the delays, and indicating that they are doing everything they can to expedite my transitional funding, which she expects to be in place before the holiday.

This is such a different world that surrounds me from the one I knew just a year or two ago. But I'm not sure I've much changed, except in regaining my confidence. It's as if I've been dressed in black, first hidden by the darkness of night, then emerging from a background of red, and finally in full relief against the white. My raiment has remained unchanged, but my appearance has become transformed.

I'm looking forward to this week, and to what comes after.

BTW

Some of you may be interested to know that my RL alter-ego has started a new blog. If you're interested, and willing to preserve the separation of identities, email me for the link.

Postpartum

I've been stressed lately. I guess I'm a bit overwhelmed with everything. It's an enormous change over the conditions I had been in for years. I'd say it's good. Certainly I prefer this state of things to the misery I felt sending off one faculty application after another.

But it's stressful nonetheless. I recall an old cartoon -- I think it was "Bizarro"-- several years ago, which featured a cocktail party of uber-rich complaining about their plight in terms like, "I'm so miserable: I couldn't even get the waiter to swizzle my martini for me." The funny thing for me was the realization that misery is an objective measure of conditions relative to expectations, not an absolute measure of anything. And what's more, it's real!

Now, I'm not about to argue that societally we should regard the complaints of some Wall Street broker who's pressured to return part of a $2.3 m bonus in the same light as those of a widower with four kids who just lost his job and house. But psychologically, their plights might be similar.

I feel a bit better having just started writing this. In light of what could be (and what has been), I'm doing fine. I'm stressed: I've got a subcontract to negotiate (or to abandon). I'm not quite as much on top of my game today. The dance I described continues, but in silence. We left it that the other CEO would arrange for me to talk with his technical chief to discuss more details about what I'm asking them to do. It's been more than a week, and I've heard nothing. I'm inclined to simply let the time pass, let him make the next move. But that puts me in a position where I need to be prepared to abandon the negotiations before they've properly progressed, and more importantly to seek alternatives.

Do I look for another subcontractor, or do I plan to hire in and prepare the work directly? Would that take me from the core of my work? My hope all along has been to partner rather than compete. But the choice may not be mine.

I did accomplish a good deal so far this week. I spoke with the lead on my Stage 2 contract. She's yet to fully review my proposal, so we didn't talk much. I also followed up on several financial/accounting issues. It's not clear whether they've actually begun processing the second part of my first contract, meaning it's likely still four months before I get paid again! I interviewed a second post-doc I'd like to bring on. But hiring has to await funding. Frustrating. Finally, I've done quite a bit of advocacy on issues directly relevant to the sorts of funding opportunites that have so far supported my business, and which I think much to offer others like me, and much to offer the broader economy in terms of jobs.

But, I'm feeling a bit of postpartum. It's been intense preparing so many proposals and applications at once. And now, I'm back in wait and see mode, even if the wait is expectedly short. This too shall pass.

Moving on

I spent the day preparing my application materials for the gig across the sea. Sent! Their email confirmation noted:

Your application will be considered by a selection committee, which generally occurs within two weeks of the posted closing date. Our next contact with you will be to advise whether you will be invited for an interview.

Wow... that's refreshing. Efficiency. So, now I put it out of my mind, and worry about possibilities if they arise. Meantime, I've got patent applications to prepare.

Applying for the research job was just something I thought I ought to do... well, something which I wanted to do. But I'm perfectly content whether they consider me or not. My self-worth no longer rests on validation from academia. I am utterly convinced of the value of my ideas. Those who are funding my research obviously are as well.

We shall see what becomes. Either way I'll be fine.

Everest

As I workout in the evenings, I've been reading "Dead Lucky" by Lincoln Hall, a retelling of his grueling adventure with Mount Everest: how he summited, then died on the descent, was left for dead, then discovered by ascending climbers the next day, groggy but alive.

The book's not the best read, engrossing at times, but occasionally incoherent. I suppose that reflects the mental conditions he was in. It's a rather good motivator however, as I ride on my stationary bike, 20 or 30 minutes most nights. I've been trying to regain my cardiovascular fitness, and reduce my cholesterol and triglycerides.

I've lost about 12-15 pounds in the past six months. I'm getting there. But I muse at the passing in and out of lucidness and coherence of a climber testing his own mettle, even against all logic. Why do people climb mountains?

I fade in and out of reality a bit myself. Logic tells me that I'm on top of the world, that I've earned myself some respite from the constant battle to survive as a researcher and a scholar. Sometimes I exaggerate in my own eyes both the gains and the pitfalls. Will I really make it through this passage? Will I descend safely to the next plateau, after reaching the glorious summit, with the sun still shining, and breathe a deep, welcome toke of oxygen?

Or will it all fade away like mist, leaving me to realize the ascent is still before me, and I've only just begun?

This possibility of an academic research post fills me with a strange ambivalence. And not a little bit of trepidation: What does he really mean about not having my publications before him? Will he judge me as lacking because I've spent the past couple years working on research that I plan to patent rather than publish? Maybe I'm really not a scholar after all? Maybe I don't rank up.

What is my motivation? What is it that I really seek? Who do I wish to be?

I've just gotten through a very tense few weeks, as I prepared and submitted one big proposal for a $150k effort [Industry Standards], followed by a draft of my stage 2 contract [Speedometer] for 5 times that amount, and just today submitted another proposal for a $70k project [Compression]. Funny, that last seems so small today, but would have driven me to heights of insecurity a year ago.

Perhaps it still should. Can I say for certain that getting my first contract last summer, and the chance for a much bigger second part now is anything more than luck and chance? Sure, I did the work... and they were pleased with it enough to pass me on to the next level.

But then... I just can't believe that so many others out there are not just as worthy, just as capable, just as clever. Why don't they all have the opportunities as well?

I have a chance now, a wonderful, marvelous chance, to grow as a person, to develop as a researcher, to lead as a business executive. I feel a great burden and responsibility to do my part to help those others up the mountain as well. I hope I have the strength and courage to remember that!

Circles

To borrow an image from undine: it would seem that life does move in circles:

Subject: Assessing Potential Interest

Deric,

Your search announcement sent via the [Interdisciplinary Research Association] list piqued my curiosity. I've been interested in [University Research Facility] at least since I had applied there for a post-doc five years ago. I wanted to know if you'd be interested to receive an application from me under this notice. I believe there is a great deal of convergence between our research. Attached is the first part of a recent grant application I submitted on behalf of my firm. If awarded this would be a six-month effort, beginning early 2010.

Please note that I am currently under obligation to another contract for research and development regarding [focus of R&D, and details of awards]. The last of these is a two-year effort, for which I expect to hire 3 post-docs. My time allocation for those two years is about half-time.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Articulate
_________________________

Dear Articulate,

I have just read over your proposal, and it seems to be a very interesting approach. While I do not have your full CV, and so cannot judge your publications and such, I do think an application from you would be a good idea. Since your last application, [University Research Facility] has become more and more oriented to [general area of my R&D]. I look forward to hearing more from you!

Best,
Deric

Deric Dunlap, Director, [University Research Facility]

The posting in question is for a five-year fixed term Senior Research appointment (at a rank equivalent to a U.S. Associate Professor w/o tenure) with "excellent potential for tenure". It's at a well respected interdisciplinary research lab at a large regional university (not in the U.S.) recognized for its "capacity to carry out successful collaborative research partnerships" with business, government and community involvement.

Overdose, overdiagnose?

Is it just me? Or is it a Midwestern thing? Why does it seem that the parents of every seemingly gifted child I meet reports their child has been diagnosed with Asperger's?

I mean, I can't speak with authority about Autism. I taught a child diagnosed with Autism for a short while. I have a cousin who seems properly to be diagnosed with Asperger's... but these kids? I just don't see it.

Yes, they're challenging (what extremely bright child isn't?). I wonder how much of a diagnosis reflects the society and environment more than the one being diagnosed. I shake my head in wonder.

Top of My Game

Years ago, when I left the Rocky Mountains to enter a doctoral program on the West Coast, I was at the top of my game. I had been teaching adjunct at a community college (with a Master's degree... I had lower expectations then, I was happy). I had been performing on stage regionally, receiving top reviews. And I had a private studio full of students, turning away new ones because I didn't want to extend my schedule, and I didn't need the money.

I was content. But RocketMom was restless. And, there was a part of me that wanted to return to school for a PhD. I wanted to publish, and research, and perform. Most of all, I wanted to research, to pursue the things that kept me up at night. And so, we headed west.

In graduate school again, I was at the top of my game, independent, driven, fearless. Then... I graduated. A brick wall.

STOP!
Slam Bam...
DEAD!

That was what I got for not conforming. I wasn't the right kind of PhD it seemed. I didn't fit into the neat divisions of departments that make up a University. So, 150 faculty applications later, with greatly diminished self-esteem, and self-worth, I stepped off the carousel, deciding that I hadn't gone to graduate school, and jumped through fire, to be a perpetual job seeker. Somehow, even in the midst of the depths it sunk me to, I realized that that search was beneath my dignity.

Finally, I have gotten some validation, enough at least to restore my sense of worth, my strength and energies, my passion.

Today I spoke on the phone with the CEO of a company that I might hire to do some subcontract work for me, someone who incidentally, when last I saw him at an industry conference a couple years ago had essentially dismissed me. It was the same thing, I knew, I didn't fit the mold of expectations for someone doing what I said I was doing. I can't fault him... he simply underestimated me. By then, I was used to it. But forgive and forget. Today is another day, and I honestly believe there is mutual benefit in developing a collaboration. So I called, and we talked.

It was a dance, of delicate maneuvers, testing each other. It was fun, being able to observe a bit, even in the heat of it. Negotiations are a fine balance between appearing strong and in charge, and being soft and patient. If you're too weak, you lose (for both of you) but if you're too aggressive, you risk offending, and you lose (for both of you).

It's like a date early in a relationship. You want to seem appealing, almost to the point of aloofness. But if you come across as arrogant, it will be your last date. How do you express interest without desperation? That's the balance you need in corporate negotiations. I think I struck that balance today. It was good to be the party with something to offer, rather than the supplicant.

I feel like I'm on top of my game. This game, I like playing.

Step by step

Filed a draft proposal for my continuation contract today. That was a big milestone. I still have quite a bit of work to do before the final submission, but it's falling into place. Significantly, this should be enough to get me through that gate that unlocks another six months of transitional funding. Hopefully!

Every indication is that I've bought myself another two and half years of research funding. Gingerly but confidently I tread these next few paces.

I've got a lesser grant proposal to submit next week (or abandon it). I haven't been willing to let it go yet though. I may still, but I might just pull it off. In any case, that's two out of three down. Not bad.

It's a busy and exciting time. I just want to keep up the momentum.

What's reasonable?

Here's a quick question out to my readers:

What's a reasonable salary for a postdoctoral researcher in areas you're familiar with?

I have a fair idea from my own experience applying for postdocs, and I have a sense of what I might have expected as a starting Asst. Prof. in the Humanities. But it's been a couple years, and I may be hiring outside my own fields.

If you don't wish to broadcast it here, I would welcome your emails to my gmail account listed at the top right. Also, feel free to paint a broad brush as far as field or general area of research, or tell me about your spouse's or partner's fields.

I just want to make sure that what I'm planning to advertise would be in the right range to garner interest from qualified parties. I have no interest in hiring someone who feels they deserve much more than I'm able to offer (or conversely who feels they're getting paid more than they'd otherwise expect).

Snowballs

... rolling downhill.
This morning, I received an email from someone I had met at a conference in 2004 in Europe, while I was still a PhD Candidate. She's about to graduate now. She was writing to me in response to my posting a few weeks ago for preliminary interest regarding a possible post-doc position with my firm. She'd be great! I've got firm interest from another colleague of mine (a cohort from graduate school who started with me, but who's only now managed to file his dissertation in my secondary field, not my primary).

I'm feeling really good about the team I'm putting together. Wow! I can hire these people at a decent post-doc rate, and have them help me propel the research forward.

This morning I sent a note to the CEO of a company whom I had met a few years ago at [Industry Conference] when I first got interested in applied research. I wanted to ascertain if they had any interest in subcontracting for me on my Stage 2 contract. He wrote back that yes, they were very interested. We'll talk tomorrow on the phone to discuss details.

I'm a little anxious about ensuring that we have mutual protections for our IP, and that we execute a reasonable partnership agreement that permits both of us to benefit from the collaboration, but which doesn't unduly "give away the farm." I think we can manage it. I'm willing to pay attorney's fees to ensure that.

But it's all happening fast. The project director for the agency that's sponsoring my Stage 2 effort wrote to me yesterday with a few points to consider in my proposal, and closed:

We were pleased with the technical work you provided in the first Stage and look forward to working with you as we move forward.

Oh yeah! Can I just say... I like being pat on the back. I really can't express quite how excited I am to be where I am, to be validated (ever so belatedly). This is just a start I know. But I'm feeling so on top of things. The research means so much to me, and knowing that it's valued! The money could fall through. The contracts could dissipate. And... you know what? I'd be fine. We'd be fine.

But, I have no plans to shoot myself in the foot. I want to do this right. I'm taking my time, and double-checking everything. I'm almost done with my draft proposal. I wanted to have it done today, but it wasn't quite ready. I should be able to finish it up in the morning. Then it's the mad dash to finish and submit another proposal due early next week. Then back to polishing the draft into a final. And soon I'm back to the project.

I'll try to fly both of my prospective post-docs in (probably at the same time, or overlapping, so they can meet each other) in the next couple weeks. The chicken's are beginning to hatch. I'm almost ready to start counting.

One finish line, more to come

I feel like a sprinter who reaches the tape, only to realize it's not a finish line, but the start of a cross-country race. Am I up for the challenge?

Here's an image from two dreams I had recently:

I'm behind the wheel of a car. It's drifting slowly backwards. I'm not paralyzed, but I can't lift my leg to step on the gas or the brake.

In the first dream, there were cars behind me, trying to back out of my way. In the second, one of my sons was behind or beside the car, and I worried about hitting him. But I just couldn't move my leg. I've dreamt before that I couldn't open my eyes, but it's novel for my legs to be immobile.

This is very powerful image for me. Those who've been reading me for a while will recognize that sitting in the driver's seat is a favorite image of mine. It represents being in control of my life and its direction. So, there I sit, in the driver's seat, and yet I'm not quite in control. It seems realistic (though scary), since I remain dependent upon others, like those who hold the purse-strings that serve to seed my company and research. And I depend on my family in other ways, easily as important as funding.

I submitted one new grant proposal on Sunday, let's call that one [Industry Standards]. Their website says it may take six months for a decision. Yesterday I started in earnest working on my draft proposal for the Stage Two contract. We'll call that one [Speedometer]. I'm going to try my best to finish that today. I worked up a good draft of the budget (quite a feat for someone who has no training in accounting). In the draft, I hire three post-docs and an administrative assistant in Year 1, and yet another employee in Year 2. Wow!

Today, I want to write up the 4-5 page SOW for [Speedometer]. That should get the ball rolling, and get me that six months of transition funding on the books (though it'll be three months before I see a dime, since my next report and invoice will be in two months, and payment comes a month later). Then I have a furious dash to one more finish line, with a looming deadline in about a week for another smaller grant proposal. Let's call that [Compression].

There's a possible grant application to a different division of the agency where I sent [Industry Standards]. That deadline's in July. I think I'll pass on that, because it's a different sort of mechanism than I'm familiar with, so the IP protections differ, and I'm not sure I can come up with a proposal that'd be differentiated enough from [Industry Standards] to warrant independent funding. I haven't decided definitively yet. Then, there's another proposal I want to submit to different agency in August, [Accessibility Standards].

Meantime, I've budgeted about two-thirds of my time to the transitional period of [Speedometer], which begins as soon as the draft Stage 2 proposal is processed. That leaves me only about 12-14 hours a week to work on other proposals, and business administration. For now the administration won't be a huge burden. By the end of the summer things will heat up, as I look to buy or lease a building, and hire three or four employees, as well as equipment and furniture.

That means, I have to be efficient with my time now, and not squander it. I've got work to do: see you soon.

Very Close

I'm tiptoeing to the finish line here. I have just a few more minor hoops to jump through. I hope to have everything finished by bedtime tonight, then I can click submit, and be done with it for a few months as it works its way through the review process. Then, it's my draft proposal for the Stage 2 contract. And, if all goes according to plan, I just may be able to pull off completion of my other proposal in time for the deadline in a couple weeks. We'll see.

Oh so many hoops

I'm jumping, I'm jumping. I guess this is old hat for those of you used to submitting major grant apps to U.S. gov agencies (or maybe the hurdles for small business funding are entirely different), but it's rather frustrating following a host of different guidelines all purportedly for the same thing, but each having its own twist on what is required, in what format, to what degree of detail, answering which particular questions. Then, there are the specific guidelines from the prog manager, which need to be covered, but where is up to the submitter.

I suppose the harder the process, the more self-selecting the applicants, which in the end can't be bad for the quality of the proposals (at least I should hope). And the better they are (and the fewer there are of low-quality) the less likely the reviewers are to get burnt out, and make snap judgments on applications that may take the better part of 3 weeks full-time to prepare. I'm using 100 hours as my rule of thumb for these sorts of proposal preps. That's a lot of unpaid time. If the funding comes through it's all worth it. So far, I've been pretty lucky. We'll see this time around.

If I get this one, and if the second stage of my other contract comes through, I should have no problem hiring three post-docs in the fall [I say, optimistically]. Scheduling is really up in the air. I've got to get my draft prop in for that Stage 2 contract, then I'll get six months more funding on the Stage 1 part. Great, that'll cover my expenses and put a little more in the company's coffers. But surely not enough to hire anyone.

I met with an accountant today to get some guidance on setting up my accounting methods for the higher level of scrutiny that the Stage 2 contract requires. Word is getting the accounting method approved is the most likely hold-up for getting the contract approved and processed. The better I do now, the less likely I'll hit that gap in funding. He was actually impressed with how organized I was, and validated that everything looked good. Doing my best. I'm trying to find the balance between self-reliance, and working outside my core.

Last year, when faced with the prospect of shelling out four grand of my own money to hire a grant writer editor, I balked, and opted to do it myself. Fortunately, I had a strong support network with my wife and a couple counselors from the state's entrepreneurs' office. Turns out it all worked out for the best. But, at the time, I had to make a choice about which of two proposals to write and submit, because I hadn't the energy or time to write both. Who knows: maybe hiring the help would have allowed me to submit both.

This time around, I hardly showed any drafts to anyone. RocketMom is reading over the "final" draft now. I think that's the first anyone has looked at it. It feels good to have the self-confidence. If I can manage it, I'm going to try to pull together another proposal in the next two weeks. I got a bit of a reprieve on my contract extension draft. The one gatekeeper sent me an official invitation from her end, resetting the date for submission by about a week. That will be my first priority next week (once this new grant app is submitted). Since it's a draft, and not that involved, I may be able to pull it off in a day or two. I'm less worried about the second new one, but I'd like to submit something if I can do it. It's a much smaller level of funding, but every bit helps get me closer to a product I can market commercially.

I expect to be handling more and more of these in time, and I'll need all the self-reliance I can get. But... do I also want to be the firm's accountant? At a certain point, I need to be adept at delegating tasks. Beginning this week, I have a new part-time assistant. It's nice to be able to pay a summer intern $12/hour to handle the details of things I don't really want to spend the time on. One big project this week is learning what he can about project management software, to help me decide which to purchase, and to reduce my learning curve. It's been interesting for me to just come up with small tasks (and have no problem doing so) to toss his way.

I'm putting in my plans and budgets an IT/Administrative Assistant position. I'm still spinning about the possibilities. Years ago I did have some part-time employees when I ran a gardening service. But this is different, WAY DIFFERENT! Still nothing's set. The Jell-O's in the fridge, but the power could still go out. Cross your fingers.

Copacetic

I just spent about an hour catching up with some of my favorite bloggers (you know who you are), reading a bit, and leaving some comments. It's been a while.

Today, I'm feeling more at peace than I have for a while. I spoke again with one of the players involved in my continuing contract. He put me more at ease again. Sure, I have to satisfy different people in different ways for different things (it's like I'm carrying a sack of potatoes behind an army of key carriers, each with the responsibility to open a different gate, or door, or hatch--only I'm not sure which of those I need opened, and in what order, I'm not really sure what's in my potato sack, but it's not really that heavy, and I can always put it down for a breather).

I'm convinced it will all work out. And, above it all, I recall that I just don't need it. If for some bizarre set of circumstances it all fell through... I'd be okay. That's got to be one of the most empowering feelings I've ever had. And it feels so good.

And so, spending an hour on blogs won't kill me. I've got filing requirements on this new grant prop. to fulfill, but I'll get that done this week. And I still will need to draft up (blind) a 4-5 page document for the one gatekeeper to open up the second half of my first contract. If it'll satisfy her, why not? It'll be worth it: more than a month of funding per page. Not bad!

It still could all fall apart, I know. But more than likely, it won't. Wow!

Complete?

Never complete. But... I finished the long description part of a new grant proposa1, for one of the academic oriented federal agencies. It's fifteen pages to the bottom at 10 pt font (the specified limits). It's also going to be the basis for my first patent application, just as soon as I decide on a patent attorney. This is all very exciting.

I still have a whole boat load of hoops to jump through to get this new proposal submitted before the deadline next week. I'm planning to get it all done before the weekend, to avoid the crush that will then ensue.

Also spent quite a bit of time the past couple days talking to people and trying to figure out what's required of me for the continuing contract I wrote about a couple days ago. If only it were simple! It's quite an effort just to figure out the chain of command, and whom I need to deal with for what aspect.

Word is pretty clear that we're at the stage where everyone expects the contract to be issued and the money to flow... BUT... nothing is settled until it's settled, and nothing more definitive than such expectation will come until such time as the contract is either in place (or somehow dissipates). And... although the money is in place somewhere (else they wouldn't be able to issue the invitation), there's no telling just when that somewhere will be my firm's bank account, meaning, as I was told today "expect another gap in funding. It's almost assured".

So three months of nothing to now... once I get the draft in and approved, I should get another six of funding on the old contract (though the first check won't come in for three months). Then, who knows? It's kind of hard for me to get those new hires in place when I can't say definitively when (or even IF) I'll be able to bring them on board. I'm hoping to fly in one of my old colleagues (who just filed his dissertation), to talk about the possibilities of bringing him in for a one-year post-doc with a possibility to renew. It'll be hard to follow through though unless or until I know the funds are on the way.

The deadline for my first draft is rather short... um... like the end of next week! (They make me wait three months, then tell me I have two weeks). However, at least one of the parties I spoke with indicated that I could follow one of two formats at this point: a 4-5 page statement of work, or a 30-40 page document of torture. I think... yeah... I'm leaning toward the SOW. Yeah, I'll do that one.

So, if it's only 4-5 pages (and remember this quick deadline is only for a "draft") I'm sure I can pull something together, along with a draft proposed budget, and whatever else they'd like to see. Then, it looks like I'll have two more weeks to gain guidance from the authorizing parties (you know about what work they want me to do), then the chance to modify the draft into a final. Part of the problem is that they're not available to speak with me until next week sometime, and there's little chance of setting up the (REQUIRED!) pre-proposal meeting in time for the first deadline.

Kind of silly if you ask me. What's the point of requiring a draft, when everyone knows it'll have to be completely reworked? It's like preparing a keynote for a conference, when you know the field, but not the topic. Ah well. See, this is the kind of complaining that makes me feel ungrateful. Imagine me, a couple years ago, wallowing in misery over yet another rejection letter (okay... now I've applied for 138 faculty positions...) It's hard to put my present bothers in that light. It's the difference between the wind tickling the hairs on my arm, and being stung by a whole nest of wasps.

You know... yeah... I'm leaning toward the breezy hair thing, okay?

Challenge

I wrote a post as guest blogger today on my wife's blog: Exploring New Worlds. We've begun some parenting training (shock therapy, boot camp?). Seven years into being a parent, I still haven't figured it out.

And so it goes...

I've had little energy for blogging of late. Partly, I'm in a new phase in my life, and I'm not sure where blogging fits in. Partly, it's been a rough patch. But a "rough patch" today hardly qualifies as an irritant in my yesterday. I feel so blessed and lucky to be where I am, that it feels like whining to complain, to delve into concerns, and doubts, and fears. But it's been a few months since I received any income. After an initial shock and joy at receiving a research contract, I've revisited the old familiar territory of Wait-and-See.

Suffice it to say, the rough patch has ended. I am (or soon will be) truly in business. I've gotten an invitation to proceed to the next level with my R&D. Meaning, I will be getting a six-month extension to my initial contract as soon as the paperwork is filed (albeit a few months later) and will shortly enter contract negotiations for another TWO YEARS after that!

And I don't mean just two years of me hanging on, getting by. I mean, come the fall, I will most likely be HIRING two or three full-time employees, paying them not a fortune, but an amount I would have been delighted to receive when I finished my PhD (if I had gotten an Asst. Prof. gig) .

And, since my home office just won't serve for three or four, I'm looking into buying a small office space downtown by the water. It's an amazingly depressed market, but a really lovely downtown, in sight of sailboats in the harbor. One of the reasons we chose this particular city was because it was affordable, by the water, and beautiful. The thought of me being a part of revitalizing the city, my fondest but not quite believable hope when we moved here, is almost beyond words.

I can't express how good this feels, and how I still wonder whether it might not just vanish, a phantom, an image, a dream. But it feels quite real. I got through the first gate. I passed the test. And now, finally, they have decided to push the envelope and invite me to produce a prototype solution to their problem. They had given me six months to prove my concept feasible and, despite bureaucratic delays, they've become convinced that I have succeeded.

And so, I step lightly, but swiftly! There's a lot I have to learn about running a small business, on top of a good deal of work on the research. Wish me luck.

Senators with backbones

Looks like some underhanded efforts were made to stiff small businesses. Under the recently signed American Recovery Act, a coded clause was slipped in during the assigned task to reconcile House and Senate versions that effectively cut off more than $200 million of funding from being available to small businesses and researchers. See this blog post for details.

But fortunately for the US, there are still some legislators with spines. Senators Landrieu and Snowe from the Senate Committee on Small Business and Entrepreneurship sent a letter to the director of the Department of Health and Human Services imploring them to fulfill their statutory obligation to small businesses nonetheless.

I wonder, with all the tossing of money at the flames of this recession, whether there won't be some sense to it all, whether the needs of researchers, and the benefits of supporting the vast army of unemployed PhDs seeking a useful outlet for their energies won't somehow be realized. Let's hope.

Finally

Finally, someone in the mainstream media is even talking about this!

Doctoral Candidates Anticipate Hard Times

Continuing

Life continues.

Last month I received the first payment on my first gov research contract, which finally put us back on track for being financially viable. Another payment or two and we'll be off the rosters for public assistance, meaning we need to figure out what insurance to purchase. I'm honestly looking forward to that. These days there are many lining up for public assistance because of job losses or cutbacks. I'll be happy to step aside. This is the first and only time in my life that I have dipped into the public coffers where I normally put my tax dollars. I hope it shall also be the last.

Last week, I filed the second of three status reports. Word I got a few weeks ago is that this second one will be the basis for their decision whether to award me transitional funding (an additional 6 months), so I poured a great deal into the report. I ended up preparing some preliminary proofs-of-concept that I had promised for the end of the first six month period. I'm pretty confident moving forward. Hopefully they'll see the merit in my proofs as well. In any case, I should know by the end of January at the latest whether my firm will receive an additional 6 months of funding. That'd be great.

The next step is working on getting the 2 year contract from them. There are three firms in this first round. Only one or two of us will get the second round funding, to deliver the end product. Meantime, I'm looking to prepare new proposals in the first few months of 2009, for other projects. I've got a couple proposals outstanding. They're just abstract sort of proposals, so a thumbs-up merely means they'd like me to prepare a fuller proposal. In addition, I've got several other irons in the fire.

I'll be meeting with several deans and faculty at a local state university sometime in January, to discuss prospects for a major initiative that I hope to play a big role in. This meeting is the culmination of a meeting I had in the end of November with the head of research on campus. I've also got several more ideas for research proposals to a few more agencies and departments for grants and contracts.

If the supplemental six-month funding comes through, I'll be ready to start thinking about hiring. It still won't really be enough in itself to support another full-time employee. But I'll be needing to budget time and energy to preparing new proposals. I'm really almost off the ground. It's still a start-up, so it might all come crashing back down to earth. It's best not to expect success at every step. Rather, it's wise to anticipate next steps, with or without a crash landing.

Mostly, I just wanted to say, all is well.

Snowfall

It's that time. The first real snow of the season fell last night. The Painter and I built this beauty this morning.

One of my brothers arrives this evening. My mother and a second brother arrive on Wednesday. Thanksgiving we'll have 18 people over for dinner.

My oldest brother and his fiancée couldn't make it. (He chose to announce his engagement to me by noting in his regrets email that they're saving for a wedding. My reply: "someone's getting married?")

Ah, family!

Good news: I should get my first invoice paid today! That's the word at least. It'll be my very own small business injection of cash stimulus. I can't say it'll mean I've arrived. But it's a milestone that'll let me feel this is all real, and not simply some dream.

I still worry a bit about what's next. Will I get the second phase of the project funded? I emailed my technical contact last week, to ask about timing and criteria of the decision. The conferences have instilled in me the understanding that more communication is better. She's the person who'll make the final decision as to whether I get that two years' more funding (enough to hire a couple employees full-time). It's a big deal. She was travelling last week, then on vacation this week. So, I won't hear back from her until after Thanksgiving. That's alright. My job is simply to forge ahead, develop the technology.

It will get funded one way or another. Of that I'm pretty certain. They say most small businesses that fail do so simply because the founders give up. I'm not much for giving up (at least not when I haven't been convinced that continuing is unworthy of the effort). For now, I remain strongly convinced of the value and benefit of my current path. For now, I'm able to sustain it. When I see that direct deposit, I'll be elated!

Just start writing

Between yesterday and today, I made some good headway in getting back to my research. With a bit of hemming and hawing, I forced myself to just start writing. Then, finally, the ideas started flowing again. Much much work. But it is my work. I like the challenges. And I am so utterly convinced that I am on the right path, that I am doing what has not yet been done, that what I'm working on is significant and beneficial.

Next week, I meet with the Vice Chancellor for Research of a large state university nearby. The meeting was setup by one of my recent principal advocates, a regional director of the state's entrepreneurship agency. It'll be a preliminary discussion re: possibilities for collaboration with faculty on campus. Tentative it may be, but still significant to have a high university administrator pencil me into the schedule.

There are many options for me in moving ahead. I've got to keep my head on my shoulders, and stay focused on priorities. What do I need to accomplish, by when, and how? Always with an eye to what's next, and keeping a handle on what's now.

Sliding

I've been preoccupied with other things. Thus my silence here. I had a good start to my research project. A good couple months of action.

About three weeks ago I attended a conference. The week and a half I was home, I spent mostly organizing my office and computer, much of it spent on setting up a dual-boot with Linux on my workstation, and setting up Linux only on my new laptop. More effort than I would have liked, and somewhat unsatisfactory results. I had to send back the laptop for some tweaking from the manufacturer. And the Linux partition of my workstation still lacks the proper sound card drivers (not to mention I snapped the connector on my speakers, so I have only headphones).

Then I headed off to another conference, from which I returned last Friday. Busy since I got back, and expecting relatives next week.

I feel like I've lost the last three weeks (though the conferences were good). I'm just having a hard time sliding back into the research. I spent a lot of time this week following up on contacts made during the conferences, and researching ideas for future funding proposals. I've mostly decided to forego proposals before the end of the year, even though it means letting several deadlines pass, with no guarantees that next year's topics, subjects, and priorities will still support my work, and the possibility that it might result in several months or a year without funding.

It's just that I've got to get back to making progress on the current project, in hopes that it will move beyond the six months of funding I'm promised. I'm obsessively checking whether my first invoice has been paid. It's been nearly three months since I started the project, and almost a month since the invoice was processed. My last income was a year ago (not to mention our savings have diminished by more than a third since then). That's how it goes I guess. But between that, and waiting on evaluations of two proposals I have outstanding, and anticipating replies to several emails of importance, and a myriad of other distractions... I'm finding it hard to focus on priorities.

I guess the first thing is to follow up on my wife's suggestion that I detail the remaining tasks for the current project. Good management skills. And it should help me not only to budget my time, but to see where I might get outside help on some points, which would lighten the load.

I'm mostly just thinking out loud here, since this blog has been good therapy for me in the past. I worry a bit about our shrinking assets, which leads to my obsession over getting paid. But this too shall pass. And overall, things are well.

Patriotic Taxes

Click on image for full size.
I was curious, since the Pit Bull has been spouting off about how Obama & Biden "think it's patriotic to pay more taxes," just how she and those supporting her line up on the issue of spending other's tax dollars. I recall over and over hearing the phrase "tax and spend liberal". George W. has proven that those from the historically fiscally conservative side of the fence can spend like drunken sailors. So, if paying taxes isn't patriotic, how about spending the taxes that other people have paid. Let's see what that looks like. I superimposed NPR's election predictions with the amount of federal dollars returned to states per tax dollar paid. Unfortunately, the most recent data seems to be for 2005. I can only imagine it's gotten worse, since spending has gotten even more out of hand since then.

Sources:
Original spread sheet from: The Tax Foundation website.
NPR Election data from National Public Radio.

Mccain has a good idea/Obama's is outstanding

Just a link to an NYTimes article.

Eat, sleep, breath

Often I head off to sleep contemplating possible solutions to the problems I face in my research. Mornings, I frequently awake with these same thoughts on my mind. I mentioned this to RocketMom this morning. She replied "it sure beats waking up and thinking 'I really don't want to go to work today.'"

I think of the line from Tom Robbins' Even Cowgirls Get the Blues about calling in well to work: I won't be coming in again, ever. Not me. I'm doing my work. This is my choice. It's a challenge. It's fun. It feels so abundantly, wonderfully good to finally finally be getting paid for my mind, for my thoughts, for my ideas; to be trusted and respected. I can't say enough how good that feels. (Of course, it will feel a bit more real when I finally get that first income (around the middle or end of November. Meantime, it's scrimping, and biting my lip when I have to sell some investment that's 40% off for the year, because we simply need the cash to pay the bills). And it will feel so absolutely spectacular when I have in my hands those proofs of concept that show the success of my methods and techniques.

Would I have felt this way, had I gotten a professorship? Perhaps. I really can't say. Do any of you feel this way?

But it's not all clams and oysters. I worry about this nation and the world. I worry about the economy. Thankfully this six-month contract, even if I don't get the next stage funding, should keep us in the black for another year or two. I had made the explicit promise to myself and my wife that I'd have income before we ate through half of our non-retirement savings. With the precipitous fall of the markets this past month (even with a large chunk of our holdings in bonds and cash) we're perhaps 3 or 4 months away from that magical midpoint. With the contract, income should start flowing a couple months before we get there.

For the most part, I'm hoping to simply sit this wave out, and leave most of our investments untouched, hoping that in a year or two things will have stabilized. I have few illusions that they will come back to their lofty heights (even if those heights were already down six months ago. But they may recover some of this decline. I'll sell off only what we need for cash. No need to contribute further to the decline. But I anticipate keeping a large proportion of the income in conservative holdings, at least until I know about the second phase (likely around February or March).

I only hope that the U.S. electorate chooses a change in leadershp. For sure, Obama doesn't have all the answers. I fully expect some mis-steps. But I trust that he is smart enough to pick good advisors and to listen to their advice. Something George W. has proven incapable of doing, and which I fear the Maverick is constitutionally averse to, as his ridiculous choice in running mate reflects. Assuming Obama wins the election, that is but the beginning of the work ahead. It will be our task to help lead this nation back to sanity in all its affairs. I hope.

Wrong Task

I read a bit of an article in the grocery store yesterday about the bailout plan and it's impact on the local economy. The article read (and I paraphrase):

... so, now that the $700 billion bailout package has passed Congress, the money will start flowing to local banks, and be made available to consumers, right? Wrong, the first thing that has to happen is housing prices need to stop falling.

Um... no! First off... it is not the job of the government to set prices. It is the job of appropriate government agencies to oversee fairness in business and social exchanges. It is the job of these agencies to ensure reasonably honest dealings, to set reasonable (though not excessive) regulations and disclosure requirements toward that goal, and most importantly to staff these agencies sufficiently to enforce the regulations. These are things that Ronald Reagan started dismantling, and which has accelerated in the ensuing two decades, and which must be reversed.

Housing prices are falling because they have become out of line with their inherent value! No amount of government intervention (short of providing every citizen with a housing allowance!) can change that. Let the values drop until they are in line with that value. To some extent this is where "free market" principles must be respected. Values should and will be set by the public's ability and willingness to pay. Gasoline prices have dropped ~20% over the last month for exactly this same reason.

The task that the government should have been and should be focused on is not stabilizing housing or stock prices, but rather mitigating the negative effects of their fall. They will continue to fall! We should brace ourselves. And we should turn to our elected officials, to step up to the plate and swing. And if they won't, or they foul, or they strike out (as has clearly been the case these past few years), we should expect them to get out the way, and let someone else step up who can handle the job!

In other news...

Just thought I'd update you on the business front. At the beginning of this week, I issued a press release on my firm's recent contract. I had a telephone interview yesterday with a writer for the state entrepreneurs' network. I got a couple calls from the business reporter from the main newspaper in a large city nearby. She wants to do a couple interviews with me, and try out a new mini-business plan feature with my firm as guinea pig. Also, got word this morning to expect a call from the business reporter from my own city's main paper.

There's a lot of excitement about my (albeit moderate) success. It's amazing to me how vested local parties are in the growth of my company. How different this feels from the complete and utter neglect I got from my doctoral institution, from my old department. How different this feels from the shame of the four years post-doc that I spent applying for one faculty post after another, and receiving mostly silence.

Talk about the economy! Why is it that this great nation has such little regard for teachers and professors and educational institutions? Why is it that the administrators of supposed institutions of higher learning haven't the courage to stand up and set priorities where they ought to be (to be clear, I mean that the priorities of colleges and universities ought to be focused on teaching and research, not on buildings, courtyards, and athletic events.) The number of faculty across the country should be doubled, and salaries should at least keep up with reasonable expectations for someone with the level of educational attainment and apprenticing that PhDs have.

I'm doing the research. I'm finally receiving income commensurate with my training, and in line with what I'm working towards. I'm getting support for that. But it's been a long and painful road. And I'm not out of the woods yet. My current contract is short. There may yet be lean times ahead. Who knows: someday, perhaps I'll be able to teach again as well.

Loosen credit?

Look, I can't second guess the folks in Congress. I'm not sitting there at the negotiations. I haven't read the full version of the bill that passed the Senate, and I don't know what may likely pass the House. What I do know is this: half the chatter I hear on the radio and read online indicate the concern over the tightening of credit standards. A bit of the chatter regards these absurdly convoluted structured securities that bundled loans together in a fashion that even those doing the bundling weren't sure what real value if any the securities represented. And finally, most of the remaining chatter speaks of how much of this mess began with defaulted mortgages and other loans (which were due in part to lax lending standards). So... wouldn't shoring up capital to encourage banks to relax their now tightened lending standards be counterproductive?

I think what needs most to be accomplished by any pending action (though from where I sit I can't say I'm yet convinced of the wisdom of what may or may not be done) is to change the present culture of living beyond our means. The problems did not begin with defaulted mortgages. The defaults were symptomatic of the underlying problems. When I moved with my wife to Paradise from Colorado to enter a doctoral program in 2000 we were shocked by the cost of housing. Granted, it was Paradise. But we had been paying about $800/month on our mortgage in Denver for a 1700 sq.ft. bungalow (with a 1500 sq.ft. finished basement). Our rent that first year, for a 1000 sq.ft. condo (in a marginal neighborhood) was $1600/month. Didn't make sense. But the apartments we had looked at for under $1600 were not livable by our standards (and we're not talking high standards here!).

But, we could afford that only because my wife got a 40% bump in salary (doing essentially the same work as she had in Colorado). Why did they pay so much more? In large part to attract and retain employees (since they all expected to afford a house). Problem was, the more firms paid, the more housing prices rose. We bought a condo the next year, because after the mortgage interest deduction, the cost of buying was equivalent to rents (and the location was better and closer to work and campus). We sold the property two years later at nearly a 60% profit! But rentals had barely budged. Meaning that the buyers were paying a hefty premium to buy, which made no sense. Of course, the value of that property grew another 60-75% over the next 2-3 years. According to zillow it's now worth about 20-25% less than at it's peak, about 15% higher than we sold it for in 2003.

The point I made then was that housing prices like that were unsustainable. They were even more unsustainable when we sold it, certainly even more so two years later... but I find it hard to believe that they are sustainable even at today's reduced level. A few years ago we were all led to believe by the "experts" that the "new economy" sloughed off the old standards of productivity and profit. We were told to ignore the price-to-earnings ratio of new firms. The old standard P/E of 15 or less was passé.

The Bush administration has relied on a simplistic view of wealth creation: spend, spend, spend. The objective has been to keep money flowing throughout the economy. Think of the tax cuts. Think of the "stimulus package". Go out and buy things, my friends. That was the mandate. We need to return to some sanity. We need to return our valuations to real values.

That will take a lot more than simply keeping money flowing. In some cases, it may take the opposite. If lending standards are tight, it will force us to rethink our priorities. Would that be such a bad thing? The best role of any government intervention at this point would be to ease our way back out of a credit card culture of easy spending, and overspending, and speculation. The stock market should not be a gambling haven. We should renew expectations of reasonable P/E values. Dividends should once again be standard practice of established companies. Housing values should return to a reasonable multiple of income (say the old standard of 2-3 times annual household salary). Any intervention by the government should aim toward these effects. Anything short of that is failure!

Bailout

Okay, let me get this straight: Large and established financial institutions have been suffering, some going bankrupt because:

• They have been lending money, too cheaply
• to risky borrowers
• for overpriced purchases
  
• that they couldn't afford
• (like houses priced at 10-20 times their annual earnings).

Got that. And... many of these borrowers are now defaulting on those loans. Of course. This really isn't a surprise.

So, the financial institutions are now losing money on those bad loans. Okay, got that.

So, they'll have less money to freely lend, to risky borrowers, for overpriced purchases, that they can't afford. Individuals and businesses will have to pay a higher rate in the future to borrow money, forcing them to be more cautious in considering the necessity of borrowing money for a purchase, and forcing lenders to be more cautious in determining the ability of the borrower to repay the loan. Okay, got that.

So... um, I'm a bit lost as to why this is a crisis. When did we as a nation move away from the principle that we should buy things that we can afford? Housing prices have risen steeply in large part because borrowing was so cheap, leading borrowers to believe that they could afford to pay such high prices, because everyone else was doing it.

Now, how does this affect the proverbial "Main Street" so bantied about? First off, there is the FDIC (Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation) which insures individual deposits up to $100,000 per account for standard checking, savings, money market and CD accounts.*

Then, there is the SIPC (Securities Investor Protection Corporation), which protects individual investor's securities holdings against the failure of financial institutions, with certain limitations.**

So, a bank or brokerage failing will not likely cause you to lose any money directly. Of course, if you own shares in a company that goes bankrupt, well then, you've just lost some money. But then, the issue is diversification of risk. Or, if you were a borrower with an adjustable rate mortgage for an overpriced house, you may still be at risk of losing that asset. Fortunately, politicians have moved in to redress this issue, and are seeking the facility for borrowers and lenders to renegotiate such loans to keep the borrowers in their homes, and maintain the viability of the mortgage to be repaid.

So, the government is stepping in, to prop up the financial institutions (that have been reckless in lending too cheaply to risky investors for overpriced purchases which in many cases they could ill afford and didn't need), so that consumer confidence in these institutions will be preserved (despite the fact that our confidence is shaken because of their own recklessness), and so that they can go on lending money "affordably" so that business (like Boston Market and Starbucks) can borrow for growth and expansion, and keep the economy rolling along.

Somehow, I'm just not convinced that a slowdown is not what is needed (or, in fact, that such an artificial propping up of a failed sector in the economy will actually prevent it). In Wall St. terminology, we'd call it a "correction." And, if we're all in it together, we'll all pull through it just fine. We always do. That's one great thing about America that has not yet been destroyed by eight years of failed policies. We're industrious folk. Let the big, old institutions fall of their own making. Smaller, lither companies will grow from the rubble. New ideas will emerge that will pick up the slack.

It's amazing to me that those most vociferous in their supposed support for "free market" economics seem so quickly to run away from it when their most cherished institutions begin to falter. I say, let them falter. We'll be okay.

*What Is Insured? You are probably familiar with the traditional types of bank accounts - checking, savings, trust, certificates of deposit (CDs), and IRA retirement accounts - that are insured by the FDIC. Banks also may offer what is called a money market deposit account, which earns interest at a rate set by the bank and usually limits the customer to a certain number of transactions within a stated time period. All of these types of accounts generally are insured by the FDIC up to the legal limit of $100,000 and sometimes even more for special kinds of accounts or ownership categories. For more information on deposit insurance see FDIC brochure "Your Insured Deposits."

**Investments protected by SIPC. The cash and securities – such as stocks and bonds – held by a customer at a financially troubled brokerage firm are protected by SIPC. Among the investments that are ineligible for SIPC protection are commodity futures contracts and currency, as well investment contracts (such as limited partnerships) that are not registered with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission under the Securities Act of 1933.

Flying High

I'm heading out of town on Monday for my initial meeting with the funding agency that has issued me a contract. I've been working full days of late, keeping track of everything. I won't get paid for another couple months, but I'm definitely on the clock. It feels good. But it leaves me little time for blogging.

I had a conversation this morning for over an hour with a fellow I met a while back at a conference. I wrote a little about him in my old blog. I had contacted him recently to formally ask if he'd serve on the Advisory Board to my firm. It was a great, free flowing and supporting conversation. I'd say there are a lot of similarities between us, though he's a few years ahead of me. He received his PhD in 1991, and founded his own firm in 2002. So, he makes a perfect mentor to me. Even better, our work is complementary, so there should be many fruitful collaborations down the pike.

I just thought I'd poke me head in here to say, I'm still around, and still cranking ahead. I think back to a post I wrote nearly two years ago, about striking out on my own, and the commentary there that pressed me on what that might mean. It's been a good couple years.

Sour Garlic Pickles

These are not only the best pickles I've made yet, but they rival my memories of "Lower East Side Kosher Garlic Dill Pickles".

Get yourself a good pickling crock. I use a 7.5l Harsch. You may also want to invest in a little kitchen scale, since weight measures are more accurate than by volume. Here, then is the recipe.

• ~7 lbs. of fresh pickling cucumbers (or kirbies)
• 10 large cloves of garlic
• 5 grape leaves
• 1 bunch of fresh dill.
• 5 l of water (boiled, then cooled)
• 175 g salt (35 g/liter) This is the summer recipe. You can reduce the salt to say 30 g/l during cooler months). Be sure to use "pickling salt" which is salt pure and simple, containing no iodine and no anti-caking agent. In the past I had used "coarse kosher salt" but this contains anti-caking. Table salt also normally contains iodine. Apparently both have a deleterious effect on fermentation.
  
• 15 g mustard seed
• 10 g black peppercorns
• 10 g coriander seeds
• 5 g red pepper seeds
  
• 4 bay leaves

Wash the pickles in cold water, setting aside any that are bruised. Snip or cut the flower end off the pickles. Pack them tightly in the crock (but don't crush), standing on end. Add the spices (don't worry about mixing, they'll be under water for a long time). Pour cooled salt water over pickles, to a depth about 1-2" (3-5 cm) above the pickles. Be sure it's well cooled-you don't want to cook your pickles! Set a weight on top of the pickles to keep them under water. Leave the crock at room temperature (in your kitchen if possible) for about a week, then move to a cooler location for an additional 3-4 weeks. If you use an airlock type crock (like the Harsch) you shouldn't need to skim the scum that might otherwise grow. If you use an open crock, you may need to take such precautions.

After about a month they're ready! You can harvest a jar's worth to keep in the fridge as needed, and leave the rest to continue fermenting. Note, these are fermented brine pickles-no vinegar. The grape leaves apparently help preserve the firmness of the pickle skin. So also does snipping the flower end off. Another suggestion I've heard, also to preserve the skin's firmness, though haven't tried it, is to not add the garlic until a week or two before the first harvesting. I've heard that 3 months is needed for a full sour, but mine were great at about 5 weeks (perhaps they'll need longer in cooler months).

Finally

Got the contract by email this morning. It's long, and complicated. And... they mistyped my address (better get that fixed). But... it's real. It's in hand. I just have a few items to discuss with them (like whether I might not be able to get paid sooner than December!), then to sign it. Looks like I'll be flying out to meet with the topic lead next month.

I met with an attorney and patent engineer this morning. Good meeting. The engineer has a PhD in the field of study I'm encroaching. He was pretty excited by my efforts. I think I might work with these guys. We'll see. We left it that we'd touch base again in a couple months after I'd gotten cracking on this current project.

In the meantime, I need to dive into this project. Finally FINALLY I'll be getting paid for my research. Now, simply to make something of it!

________UPDATED ________
Well, no, I can't get paid sooner. Yikes! Well, at least state-sponsored health insurance will continue in force, until I have income coming in. I've got a couple months then to research that, as well as retirement benefits and life insurance, etc. There are many, many little details about running a business that we don't always anticipate. I guess that's why most firms have an HR department, eh?

[Hang on, I need to switch hats, okay, "HR here, how may I help you?"]

I suspect I'll be spending a lot of money on accounting and legal consultations. Good thing it's in the budget. Fortunately, I've got some really good small business resources and advisors from state and local agencies.

I spent half of today pouring over parts of the contract, and mostly filling out various forms and documents and questionnaires, and... There's a lot of paperwork involved in government contracting! And half the questions require a significant amount of uncovering before the answer is clear. Hopefully I can finish up and return the signed contract tomorrow, knowing I won't see a dime for about three or four months. At least it's coming. That's good to know.

Intensity

... at seven months
(and yes he does have grey-blue eyes...
like my wife, and grandmother)

Concentration

The boy can focus when he wants to.

Peach Jam

... and blueberry, and apricot-raspberry too.
My family is happy, and the neighbors love us.

These people should be lined up and...

I had been blissfully SPAM-free since setting up my new websites and emails a couple months ago. Yes, not a single SPAM message had reached my inbox. I was guarding the emails well, not publishing them in full on my websites, using proxy emails in many cases where I needed to put an address. That was, until I registered as a government contractor. Hey, I thought if anything would be safe it'd be a government registry, no?

There was a little box at the bottom of one of the pages that indicated a new registrant could allow their company info to appear in their public directory or opt-out. They warned if you opt out then you might limit your access to contract opportunities. Hrmph! Apparently (even though they have safeguards against auto-bots harvesting information) it was worthwhile for some schmuck in Belarus or Hong Kong (or both) to send some derivative of the Nigerian scam to my email address.

If you're not familiar with the scam it runs something like this:

Hi, we're dishonest scum looking for some cheating loser to help us. The former military dictatorship in our country ripped off the public for millions of dollars, and now they no longer have access to those accounts. But we do. Only, we don't want to be caught. So, we'd like you to give us your bank information, so we can share the loot with you. You're dishonest scum too, right? You trust us don't you? I mean, we wouldn't want to simply empty out your bank accounts and make off with the money now would we? I mean, that would be stealing.

Aargh! So, I immediately logged into my contractor registration account, and checked the "opt-out" box. Let's hope I will return to my blissfully SPAM-free state soon.
_________________

And, in other news... I'm still waiting for the contract! I'd feel so much more settled to simply have it in hand.

Cleaning up

Yesterday, I shaved and cut my hair.















You might not recognize me.











But it was fun to let it grow out for a few months.

Comedy of Delays

I didn't want to wait out another weekend. I sent a fairly innocuous email inquiring about the contract and a few relevant details like anticipated start date and location of technical contacts. I received a reply that they are currently experiencing problems with their system: some time next week I will be able to send you the contract. I have to wait it out for the details.

Aaargh! At least I know it's on its way, sometime!

Meanwhile, I had a meeting this morning with the director of a local center for technology and innovation to follow up on our earlier contacts. Among other things, we discussed getting me started with some publicity, sending out press releases and such.

I've got a meeting scheduled for Monday with a local CPA who was recommended to me. Finances get complicated. With the accounting required of a federal contractor (which I soon will be), on top of my status as sole owner of an LLC (the status is months old, but the income will be new!), I think it's time I get some help.

I'm trying to set up a lunch meeting next week with another patent law outfit. I wasn't convinced any of the attorneys I spoke with a couple months ago would be right. This outfit has someone on staff with quite a bit of experience in the field of research of my technology.

I'm also planning to register for a couple conferences on federal grants and contracting this fall. It's quite overwhelming the sheer variety of funding opportunities out there for research and technology development. The more I learn about them at these conferences the better. Until I have some deliverable products developed, these funding mechanisms seem to be my best choice. They're grants or contracts rather than private investment, meaning I can retain undiluted equity in my company and control over the work it does.

I'm hoping to submit another handful of applications before the end of the year. I'm riding on a wave of confidence. It's all good (except the delays!).

Still waiting

You'd think, after so long, I'd be accustomed to waiting. But it just isn't so. More than 1 week ago, I got the email vaguely hinting that I might have won a contract. It was a week ago that I received rather unambiguous confirmation of this fact.

Then, I waited for the first step of the registration process to go through, assigning me a number I could use for the next step. Then I waited for the second registration process to go through, assigning me yet another number. These two I finally sent along to the contracts administrator, on Tuesday morning. It has been a very long couple days.

I want the contract in hand. I want to know where my technical contacts will be so I can plan the face-to-face meeting to get started. I want to know the schedule of the contract, when I am expected to commence the project, what my payment schedule will look like, what milestones or progress reports will be expected of me.

Don't get me wrong. I am pleased, thrilled. But I'm hungry. It's like a delectable meal awaits me; I know the outline of the menu items, but my stomach rumbles as I wait for it to begin.

Almost in hand

My mom is visiting us for a week. We took her to the lakehouse for a couple days. I needed a break in any case from the waiting. We got home Wednesday afternoon. I went sailing (we came in third!). When I got back home in the evening, I was catching up on email and such.

There was a message in my inbox, from an unknown author. Subject: Proposal XXX-YYY-Z under topic... etc. I paused. Then I looked.

Dr. Dad,

Are you registered with the Central Contractor Registration service? If not, can you please register there.

Thanks,

Catherine Thomson
Contracts Specialist...

This morning, I took care of some of the necessary items (like opening a business checking account). I sent her a message describing the status of my progress toward registering, and included the inquiry: Does your involvement mean the proposal has been selected? Her response:

Yes the proposal has been selected. Once you are registered in the CCR, I can award you the contract, which should only take a few days.

I'd say, there's little ambiguity in that response. I'm... breathless. Five years has been a long time to wait. Now... this is just six months of funding (granted at about twice what I might have been making as a professor, including benefits, plus operating expenses and such). I'm thrilled. If all goes well (and there's little reason it shouldn't), the next six months, then another two years should be in the bag.

It's a foot in the door, a new door. One foot in/one foot out. I'm still here.