BTW

Some of you may be interested to know that my RL alter-ego has started a new blog. If you're interested, and willing to preserve the separation of identities, email me for the link.

Challenge

I wrote a post as guest blogger today on my wife's blog: Exploring New Worlds. We've begun some parenting training (shock therapy, boot camp?). Seven years into being a parent, I still haven't figured it out.

These people should be lined up and...

I had been blissfully SPAM-free since setting up my new websites and emails a couple months ago. Yes, not a single SPAM message had reached my inbox. I was guarding the emails well, not publishing them in full on my websites, using proxy emails in many cases where I needed to put an address. That was, until I registered as a government contractor. Hey, I thought if anything would be safe it'd be a government registry, no?

There was a little box at the bottom of one of the pages that indicated a new registrant could allow their company info to appear in their public directory or opt-out. They warned if you opt out then you might limit your access to contract opportunities. Hrmph! Apparently (even though they have safeguards against auto-bots harvesting information) it was worthwhile for some schmuck in Belarus or Hong Kong (or both) to send some derivative of the Nigerian scam to my email address.

If you're not familiar with the scam it runs something like this:

Hi, we're dishonest scum looking for some cheating loser to help us. The former military dictatorship in our country ripped off the public for millions of dollars, and now they no longer have access to those accounts. But we do. Only, we don't want to be caught. So, we'd like you to give us your bank information, so we can share the loot with you. You're dishonest scum too, right? You trust us don't you? I mean, we wouldn't want to simply empty out your bank accounts and make off with the money now would we? I mean, that would be stealing.

Aargh! So, I immediately logged into my contractor registration account, and checked the "opt-out" box. Let's hope I will return to my blissfully SPAM-free state soon.
_________________

And, in other news... I'm still waiting for the contract! I'd feel so much more settled to simply have it in hand.

You ain't from around here, are you?

Seen on Smart Cookie:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: Philadelphia   Your accent is as Philadelphian as a cheesesteak! If you're not from Philadelphia, then you're from someplace near there like south Jersey, Baltimore, or Wilmington. if you've ever journeyed to some far off place where people don't know that Philly has an accent, someone may have thought you talked a little weird even though they didn't have a clue what accent it was they heard.
The Northeast
The Midland
The Inland North
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

The only thing missing from the quiz (which might have revealed the rest of my accent -- I grew up about half in Baltimore, half in NYC) would deal with the distinction between the words "have" and "halve". In my dialect, the vowels are remarkably different. The a-with-"silent l" vowel is something most of you may never have encountered, along the lines of ä-uh. Otherwise, a fair quiz.

Oh yeah... and the word "water" (in my native, though somewhat abandoned pronunciation) is along the lines of "wood-er".

Wisconsin

I have reason to suspect there are readers of this blog from Southern Wisconsin/Northern Illinois, to which my family will be visiting (in search of a new home) February 15-19. It'd sure be great to make some contacts there. If you are willing, send an email to my gmail, at right.

Not so invincible after all

It seems nothing quite humbles like an honest look at expenditures. I ran a report in Quicken of our expenses over the last 12 months, to make a reasonable budget looking forward. Some expenses are certainly higher here in Southern California than they'll be where we're moving. (I must confess I was shocked to get an auto insurance quote that says our premiums will likely go UP by as much as 80%!). Overall, our expenses (the ones I couldn't pare down, or really can't assess until we arrive in our new place) are still perhaps 40% higher than I had been thinking.

Housing is the biggest factor. Our costs here are insane. We have been hoping we'll be able to find something affordable. If we're lucky a bank will overlook the fact that we will have no income soon (or, since Rocket is officially on leave, and thus still employed, maybe they'll consider her erstwhile income). In any case, looking over our budget, rather than having 2-3 years where we were hoping, it may be 18 months-2 years, and possibly looking someplace even cheaper. It's amazing to me how much housing costs vary from one place to another.

The relatively modest house we rent here would go for at least $500k, possibly $600k (even in today's depressed market). We had been thinking to move where $150k would buy us a nice place. Current considerations may push us down to the $100k range. I wish there were some alternative. I wish society weren't arranged to push many PhDs into poverty (lucky if they have a spouse who can earn a supportive income). I'm still bitter and disgusted by that. But I've made a choice to leave that path. Rocket has made a choice to take time off from her career (perhaps indefinitely).

That leaves us savings, and luck, and hope. I've got work to do. If I can maneuver these hurdles in short time and come up with rock-solid proofs-of-concept, perhaps I can push ahead with finding investors (and thus able to pay myself a salary). Understandably, I've been a bit distracted these past few weeks. And we've got a lot of logistics to deal with, assuming we're going to move this Spring or Summer.

We're still lucky. I know that. But knowing that doesn't solve the logistics, or make our choices any easier.

Lonely breaks

I think the hardest part of being my type of entrepreneur/researcher is how lonely it gets. The chance meetings in the hallways (Hello Peter Hi Articulate) are about all I get.

I no longer expect email to bring me unexpected news, or for the telephone to ring from some unrecognized area code. I remain surprised, when on occasion I notice someone having found my somewhat neglected Personal Research Website by searching for [My Real Name]. But they never call or write. Not lately.

I don't expect it anymore. It's all on me. It all depends on me solving some of the problems I've laid before me. First things first. I've been working on this major unresolved issue. I keep organizing my thoughts in notes, modifying them, commenting on them, saving version after version, printing them out, dating and signing them, then pasting them into my patent notebook, just in case I ever need to document when I arrived at an idea, to set precedence over someone else making claims of priority.

And I understand that the loneliness (at work) will remain unchanged at least until I've got these proofs-of-concept complete, until I've made some demos, hopefully garnered some clients, at least stimulated some interest. At a typical workplace, we take breaks. We talk to colleagues around the copy machine, or in the hallways. I've no colleagues here, just office neighbors. Someday, I'll be once again surrounded by intelligent, enthusiastic, exuberant, committed, stimulating people. But for now, it's just me and Moose*.

_________
* Long time readers may recall my laptop was named Di. My seven-month-old desktop is Moose. Say hello, Moose.

Freesias and noise

They've been ripping up the street outside my office for a week. Jackhammers constant. Fun.

I won't make it my sole excuse. I'm having trouble concentrating. Bit by bit. I'm working... just not quite as efficiently as I'd like.

I took a walk to Trader Joe's (in a strip mall adjacent to my office building). I bought some juice and snacks, and a pot of freesias. All the plants in my office have died, each in its own time. The last of them passed by the time I returned after New Year's. I had brought the pots home, in hopes that I might refill them with something else (a project to do with the boys).

I cleaned my desk, and set the lovely flowerpot in the middle. I'm trying to drown out the road noise with internet music. Got to remember to bring in some CDs. I hate to dilute my thinking (or dilute my listening attention) by working to music. But sometimes (like now) it's needed.

[SIGH]. Back to work.

Slowly returning

Back in the office today. The Painter returned to kindergarten today. I'm still not a morning person. I got up around 7:15 nonetheless.

New routines: I drop the Painter at school in the morning, then head to my office. RocketMom picks him up. I'll be heading home shortly. 8:00-4:00. That should be a good schedule. Once the baby arrives (or perhaps sooner) I'll be picking #1 up at school as well, maybe having lunch at home, then heading back for a few more hours work.

Work! ... I keep checking my old Lemon email account periodically, just in case there's any contact. Haven't received anything for about a week or so. That's fading. Soon enough, I'll simply let it go.

Work. ... I opened up some old files on my computer today, reviewing and commenting on my notes from last spring and summer. Getting my feet wet again, trying to recall how to swim. I know it's in there. I was doing quite well on this journey before I started teaching again. Lemon sucked up so much of my time and energy. That is a lesson well learned. Don't get me wrong: I do love teaching. It's just I've made a choice. Today, the research is more important to me, certainly more important than adjunct servitude. And, as by my choice, it beats all hell out of continuing the academic job search.

Slowly, I've been sending out emails to colleagues and friends, letting them know the shifts in my trajectory. Slowly. That's a good word for me now.

I realized that we have yet much to figure out before we move. Despite what I wrote on Friday, it's more likely that we'll move in the summer than sooner. On top of our decisions specific to the move (and dealing with a new arrival at home), I've got to get as much research and programming done as possible. The more the technology is filled out and tested, the more I've worked up a plan for my business, the better off we'll be. I'm hoping to have as much a leg up on getting clients (and possibly investors) before we move as possible.

A thousand mile journey begins with small steps.

Halfway back

Got into my office today around noon. It's the first I've been in the office (other than to grab something) since my inlaws came to visit December 26. Rocket had a doctor's appointment this morning, so I had to stay with the boys.

I did some purging from my office bookshelves, taking down about a dozen books or so to bring home. I've got this short bio to write and send off next week. I'm leaning against working on this book chapter, though I'd like to write the co-editors (one of whom I've known for a decade, and the other who organized the conference last June in the UK, and who invited me to speak). I plan to simply write to them my thinking and see what they say.

What is my thinking? I'm walking away from the academic job search. I'm done with that. I've begun to turn away from habits, attitudes, and behaviors I had acquired principally out of that process. I don't need any more "lines on my CV". I've got quite enough, and they've done nothing to help me get where I'm going. I need new measures for determining worth and value for my efforts.

What will this task accomplish? Will that get me further along the path I wish to travel? Or will it simply hold me where I am, costing energy and effort, that might be better spent on other things?

My research must be paramount. Within about a month, we'll have a new baby at home. Hopefully come March or April we'll be ready to move to our next home, though it may be May or June. We've got a lot of research to do on that count, to ascertain and decide where best suits our needs and desires, and all the logistics of how to move, and get insurance, where to live (to rent or buy), what sort of office or workspace can we set up for me. I'm going to order a bunch of boxes from U-Haul, and start packing things up pretty soon.

But I need to keep up my research. I need to work up these proofs-of-concept, hopefully before we move. I need to follow through on my hopes and dreams. And I need to ward off as many distractions as possible. Today, I'm halfway back. Monday a new passage begins.

Even the Economist can get it wrong

This morning over breakfast, I pulled out an old Economist magazine (this one from 22 September 2007). There's an article on WuXi PharmaTech, a Chinese pharmaceutical research outsourcer. Here's the statistic that caught my eye: "...and, as in so many other industries in China, labour is cheap. Starting salaries for a PhD are $23,000 a year, compared with $200,000 a year in America, according to UBS, an investment bank."

Wow... if UBS really provided that, you'd think an investment bank could do better research. Starting salaries of $200,000 a year for a PhD! Feh! Not in this world. I just don't see it. Perhaps Lilian will disillusion me of my skepticism that even pharmatech doesn't pay that much to starting PhDs, but...

And, with articles that offhandedly provide such statistics, I can imagine why the general public might think all PhDs are overpaid, spoiled complainers, rolling in wealth and benefits. I just don't see it.

Blogger meet up?

I have a handful of regular readers in my neck of the woods (Greater L.A./Orange County), lurkers who have assiduously avoided revealing themselves in comments. But, of course, your IP addresses leave a trace of your activities. And, some of you know who I am; I'm sure of it. I'd like to issue an invitation to any of you who are willing to come out of the woodwork: I'd be pleased to meet you over a cup of coffee sometime. Just let me know. My email's on the sidebar.

A slow return

As some of you may have noticed from my emergence in comments on other blogs, and by the ever so incremental increases to my blog roll, I'm slowly returning. Returning that is to a real presence as a blogger. In the two years I've been involved with the blogosphere, I've realized that part of the commitment to the community is not only to add your content to the ether, but also to read others, comment, reflect, react, link. I've been a somewhat negligent party in that regard, since I started OFI/OFO, partly because I needed the space just to be. I needed some time and energy to get past the post-PhD Blues to where I am today, and where I'm heading. But didn't want to disappear. I'm back to reading more, and am beginning to delurk a bit.

I miss many of the interactions I used to have with you. Just thought I'd let you know.

Conflagration

Oheň předchází jej a zapaluje vůkol nepřátele jeho.

I think of Dvořák's Biblical Songs: "Fire sends he forth, conflagrating around his enemies".

The sky is a dull gray-blue, mottled throughout with patches and streaks of brown. The air smells of dead wood and flame. Ash dusts my vehicle as I leave the house. Sunrise and sunset these past two days have evinced an orange glow. The moon sits at night as if behind a veil of faded beige.

So far, all of my students are safe, and their families. Only one absence yesterday. I'll ask again in class tonight.

I can only hope that this will soon pass. The heat that surrounds us is unrelenting, not the 109F of the summer, but unwelcome in the 90s at the end of October. The air is unbreathable. My lungs, and eyes, and ears are stuffed and itchy. On campus yesterday, the winds brought only the scent of death and destruction, rather than any breeze of relief.

Southern California and Mexico burn. Send us rain!

Ten Years

Ten years ago today, my wife and I exchanged vows on the lawn of a golf course. "With all that I have, and all that I am, and all that I do, with all of my body, and all of my mind, and all of my heart..." It's been ten wonderful years.

This morning on my bed (I, a bit groggy, from having arrived at home after midnight from my return commute):

Artist: The clock says seven-oh-four.

Inventor: [Artist], talking quietly is kinda like whispering.

Artist: It's not kinda like whispering, it's the same thing.
... The clock says seven-oh-six

Me: [giving up]
Hey, boys, did you know that today is mommy and daddy's tenth wedding anniversary? We've been married for ten years!

Artist: Daddy? You're going to be... we're going to be a family forEVER! So, you and mommy will be married forever.

You know... you really can't beat that!

Two counts

I did it! on two counts:

First, I did a little research on public transportation options for my commute to Lemon. They're not good, let me say, but in ways better than the driving. See, Wednesday night, for my 7:00 class, I left my office ~42 miles away at 4:05. Sometime after 5:30, not quite halfway there, I pulled off the highway (isn't that a misnomer!) to grab some dinner. Fortunately, I did arrive in time for class. It reminded me of the day I decided to quit taking a class at UCLA a few months ago. Only now, I've got a commitment to my students and the institution to stay on.

Yesterday, I took the metro to the train to a bus. All told, about 3 hours traveling. The return was about 2 hours, since I could take a commuter train from a closer station. The trip today should only take about an hour and a half going. Let's hope I catch the 10:10 train after class, or I'll have to wait for the last train, after midnight. At least, on the train, I can do some reading, and finalize my class preps, rather than wasting the time polluting and listening to the same news stories about Sadr city, over and over.

But, it feels good not to be contributing to what the radio called this morning, the worst traffic anywhere in the country!

On the second count, I drafted up three cover letters, printed the requested material, addressed the envelopes, and asked for letters to be drafted. Last week, I was really down about the prospect of another season. Writing the cover letters, and updating my CV have been rather inspiring. I've decided that the best tack is for me to put up front what and who I am, describe the work I'm engaging in, and simply accept that there will be those committee members scratching their heads, wondering if my file might not have been misplaced from some other department's search.

I'm still planning to be selective in the schools I submit to, looking in particular for openness to interdisciplinary and cross-disciplinary approaches. And, I'll still be applying our measures of whether it's a location we'd like to live, and whether the description of duties collides with my interests. In any case, it was a good experience to get through that hurdle.

Coherence in 20 minutes or less

I've come to believe that if you can't say something coherently in 15-20 minutes, than you can't likely say it coherently at all. I'm done with my presentation. It clocks in at 16 minutes and change, with time for a few closing examples. I like it. Also got an email this morning confirming the radio syndicate's booking of transportation for me to and from my hotel, for the studio interview we've scheduled for Thursday. I arrive in the UK on Thursday morning (barring any unforeseens). I'll have some time to catch my breath, get to my hotel and take a shower, before I make my way to what sounds like a barren room with a set of headphones, and disembodied voices coming at me from half a country away. This should be a treat.

I prepared the talk in Openoffice Impress, which I'm quite impressed with. I have been using the Openoffice suite of products for about two years now, having switched immediately upon filing my dissertation. The one holdout for me was PowerPoint, since (at the time) the animation functionality was far better than Impress. I'd say the openoffice crew has made great strides in catching up. I still prefer the PowerPoint "dissolve" animation, but that's about it.

If you're not familiar with openoffice, check it out (I've added a link in my sidebar). It's an open source project, freely downloadable from the web. They provide a complete platform-independent office suite of products to replace what you're likely using. I've been quite pleased with all the ones I've tried. I recommend them heartily.

Sea Legs

Sea Legs describes the feeling you get when you first step on land after an extended time aboard boat. Your legs are so accustomed to the minute twitching efforts required to maintain balance, that it takes them time to adjust to the stability of solid ground. You step a bit too firmly, legs spread more than necessary, crouched ever so slightly.

Just now, I'm still feeling my legs, as I stepped off my old blog, and the baggage it carried, stepped into hiatus for a few weeks, and now return. It's like coming home after a bout overseas. You're still the same, but then, you're ever changed. Somethings simply cannot return to normal. Subtle things: your taste for bread; the commonplace of mineral water on your shelves; your way of moving through space.

I can't say for sure what form or style will emerge on this blog. In many ways it will sound like me. Those of you who are familiar from my previous two years of blogging may recognize me. And yet, I am changed, if but yet in subtle ways. I am no longer blue, or angry, or depressed over not landing a tenure-track job, fresh from completing the PhD. Sure, I still harbor feelings to that effect. But they are less frequent, and less powerful.

I step off the boat, and notice how less salty smells the air. I'm ready for this.

A new adventure

A new adventure begins.
Yet, there is no full break from the past.

I've often mused how each episode of life is like a life of its own. Yet they all remain connected somehow. From a background in theater, I've sometimes contemplated the trajectory of characters in a show. Ideally, the brief span of time on stage presents a transformation of each character, a movement from start point to end point.

In reality, however, this is not always the case. Some remain caricatures, hollow cartoon figures, stylized presentations of a single or a few characteristics, rather than an animated whole. I guess real life is like that as well. At least, we sometimes see others in this way. The trick I believe is most of all not to see ourselves that way. And once we've a handle on our own complexity, we can work toward recognizing it in others.

Perhaps each episode in life is not so much a life of its own, but rather a stageplay, presenting one scene from the milieu of life, one abstraction from the complexity, a magnifying glass held to observe the details. Only when we step back do we see the greater picture.

Welcome, friends, to my new blog.