Hard to be humble

Busy busy. I'm losing interest in waiting for bad news. It begins to seem that bad news would be a grain of salt in a glass of iced tea. Who'd notice?

I attended part of [ARIC 2009] earlier in the week. Interesting how much of the work of attending a conference takes place outside the events of the conference. The sessions I did attend (and the conversations I had incidental to them) furthered my belief that nobody is doing what I am.

Monday, I had a nice sit down at the conference with the agency project lead of my ongoing effort. I got the distinct impression that she's on my team, so to speak. She validated from her standpoint that the technology I'm developing is unique. She confessed that all of the other proposals were pretty much the same. I asked about the decision to fund two firms at the second stage rather than just one; she confirmed my suspicion that it was motivated by an interest to fund my R&D, which they deem quite promising and potentially transformative, but also to hedge their bets by supporting the current state of the art in the field. Perfectly reasonable. Now, I just have to deliver.

Then, on my way back, I got an email on my phone at the airport, notifying me that the evaluation process had been completed on one my other outstanding proposals, for a new stage one effort I've called [Compression]. Finally, I get some closure. The email directed me to visit their website and log on to check the status. Aaarrgh! I didn't think logging into a secure website on my phone (even if I could) would be advisable, so it had to wait until I got home four hours later. I logged onto the site, followed the path noted, and read the word in the status column: selected.

Um... what? I was speechless. All I could do was call my wife's name, and point to the screen. That's a second project, loosely related to the first (buliding on one of the incidental byproducts, in an entirely novel direction). I had thought it a long shot. But I was encouraged by the topic author to propose something after we talked on the phone for 10 or 15 minutes. Again, the first stage of funding is for a proof-of-concept. If that succeeds, there's another two year contract waiting for full-blown R&D.

But I still haven't made any new hires, though now I might consider hiring four rather than three. I'll likely be starting this second effort concurrently with the first, on my own, before I bring anyone else on board. Wow!

In other news, we had the building inspection today. No surprises. Everything is looking up.

Transfer

I'm rushing through the transit portal.

I just returned from a wonderful couple days with my beautiful wife (of nearly 12 years!) in a secluded B&B outside a quaint resort town on a lake. Our oldest, the Painter, is with my mom attending a rocketry camp this week. Rocketmom brought the two younger boys to her folks on Tuesday, and we met Wednesday evening for another honeymoon.

We got back late afternoon yesterday. I had a few logistics to attend to, mostly about the building purchase. Can you believe it? $2400 for an appraisal. You'd think after appraisers had contributed their part to overinflating the real estate markets that they'd have a little more humility now, but I guess not. My mortgage agent had been estimating $1500 (and we both agreed that was expensive). Who knows: maybe half of that fee goes to pay for liability insurance in case they're sued. Not much I can do about it, though.

I'm off to The City tomorrow for a couple days at Applied Research Industry Conference [ARIC 2009]. I didn't end up going last year: too many things going on, and too little surplus cash. As it turns out, I got a comp pass this year. Just so happens that the keynote is being given by a guy whom I knew from when I was about 10 years old. In my late teens, he was a mentor of sorts. We fell out of touch a few years back. I saw his name and face on the conference brochure, and looked him up. Small world. He arranged for me to have a full-access pass without the $1500 fee. That was nice. It'll be good to see him again.

Also, as it turns out, my agency project lead will be attending the same conference, so we'll get to talk over the Stage 2 effort and contract there. Then, I'm off to pick up the Painter and fly back with him on Wednesday.

Then it's hit the ground running. I've got a job ad to run in a major academic venue that following week. Here's hoping I get some good applicants. I hope to constitute a hiring committee to help me sift through the applications and conduct interviews. That shouldn't be too tough to accomplish. Then, I close on the building at the end of next month.

And, I've got a progress report due to my agency by the end of the month. Gearing up.

Here's the transfer. See you on my way back.

Sliding

I've been preoccupied with other things. Thus my silence here. I had a good start to my research project. A good couple months of action.

About three weeks ago I attended a conference. The week and a half I was home, I spent mostly organizing my office and computer, much of it spent on setting up a dual-boot with Linux on my workstation, and setting up Linux only on my new laptop. More effort than I would have liked, and somewhat unsatisfactory results. I had to send back the laptop for some tweaking from the manufacturer. And the Linux partition of my workstation still lacks the proper sound card drivers (not to mention I snapped the connector on my speakers, so I have only headphones).

Then I headed off to another conference, from which I returned last Friday. Busy since I got back, and expecting relatives next week.

I feel like I've lost the last three weeks (though the conferences were good). I'm just having a hard time sliding back into the research. I spent a lot of time this week following up on contacts made during the conferences, and researching ideas for future funding proposals. I've mostly decided to forego proposals before the end of the year, even though it means letting several deadlines pass, with no guarantees that next year's topics, subjects, and priorities will still support my work, and the possibility that it might result in several months or a year without funding.

It's just that I've got to get back to making progress on the current project, in hopes that it will move beyond the six months of funding I'm promised. I'm obsessively checking whether my first invoice has been paid. It's been nearly three months since I started the project, and almost a month since the invoice was processed. My last income was a year ago (not to mention our savings have diminished by more than a third since then). That's how it goes I guess. But between that, and waiting on evaluations of two proposals I have outstanding, and anticipating replies to several emails of importance, and a myriad of other distractions... I'm finding it hard to focus on priorities.

I guess the first thing is to follow up on my wife's suggestion that I detail the remaining tasks for the current project. Good management skills. And it should help me not only to budget my time, but to see where I might get outside help on some points, which would lighten the load.

I'm mostly just thinking out loud here, since this blog has been good therapy for me in the past. I worry a bit about our shrinking assets, which leads to my obsession over getting paid. But this too shall pass. And overall, things are well.

Darned if I didn't think I'd shut that door!

[Door knocks]

Me: Hello?

Tasse: Hi, AD... it's Tasse Plein. I got a call from June Strawberry. They're looking to hire someone to cover some classes. It's a one-year appointment. Don't know if it's long term, but they've got an overflow of students. If they continue to have an overflow... well, you were the first person I thought of. I know you said you'd had enough, and I respect that. I just still think you'd do a great job.

Ain't it always that way? The call came during the entrepreneurship conference. Actually there was a voice mail that I returned. The school is 7 hours' drive from here. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) there are no direct flights, so travel by plane would likely still take 5 hours or more, what with travel to and from regional airports and arriving early for departure.

It's hard to say, still hard to say, but it's not really what I'm seeking now. I just don't want to burn any bridges. It's not that I'm no longer interested in the academy. In some ways, I'm irredeemably connected. "One foot in/one foot out". I may shut the door, but it's ever in sight. You never know when the knock will come, or when I'll choose to open it up, to see if the courtyard appears at all changed.

_______________________
I've been doing more and more searches on the internet, mostly "prior art" searches, trying to uncover the known universe of research in my area. People are looking at the geography for sure. They're just not using my tools. I am increasingly assured of that. There's a patent to be had, with little problem I'm sure.

But, as was hammered home at this conference: patents don't make sales... products make sales. "And why are sales important?" you may ask. Fair enough question. I mean it's all about the research, about asking interesting questions, finding answers, right? Why climb the mountain? Because it's there, right?

Ah, yes... but you can't climb a mountain without the necessary equipment and resources. Years ago, foolishly convinced by a friend, I entered a bicycle race. I hadn't trained. Not a bit. I rode my bike daily, wasn't that enough. Humiliation. You need to have the resources and the stamina. What gives a researcher resources and stamina? Ah... there's the rub.

See, as you will recall, I have no institutional affiliation, no academic support network. I have no foundation, no trust, no lab. I have my trusty "Moose" and my home office. And I've got ideas. Oh have I got ideas. But ideas alone won't pay the mortgage. And I've got a limited time to live off savings.

I met a lot of investors at the conference. What's your 30-second commercial? Do you have an "elevator speech"? Repeatedly I heard something along the lines of "it's not the technology, it's the revenue". The trick, the real trick is to make us both happy. What they want desperately to give me is the resources to succeed, so long as they get what they want in return. We may differ on how we define success... but that doesn't mean our definitions are mutually exclusive. To the contrary, by making them happy, I'm more likely to ensure I've got the resources to keep it all going for thirty years.

See, that's my goal. Get me to 70! Then I'll reassess. But how to get there? Everyone who got where they are... started where they were. Indeed! I've no aversion to success, even financial or business success. I'm fine with that. It's just not my motivation. What I want is to remain true to what I hold dear. Knowledge, inquiry. Ask important and interesting questions. Propel human understanding forward.

Now, from the investor's standpoint: so what? Fine, they've different motivations. But I still have to answer that so what. What problems are you solving? That's a good question for us researchers. It's fine to climb a mountain because it's there. But if one particular mountain lies between my cache of food and a starving village, there's a bit more impetus to the project. Nice thing is: I get to climb the mountain either way. So I begin to ask myself these questions. In finding the answers to them, I'll discover the best paths to take at this stage of the journey.

Brief hiatus

Friday afternoon, I took a brief hiatus (about an hour) from grant writing, so I could prime the walls in the basement family room (and pantry wall). Today, we took advantage of a break in the rains, to head over to a local building supply store, and pick up the baseboards, quarter rounds, and shelving hardware. We never got around to putting on the first coat of paint. My mother-in-law will be coming up tomorrow, and my father-in-law on Tuesday (they have conflicting schedules -- though they're both retired now).

I'll be away at an entrepreneurs' conference both days. It'll be my first of that variety. I'm looking forward to it, though I have no idea whether I'll find much interesting, or much tedious. I certainly wouldn't be terribly interested in hearing about how one fellow got rich building laundromats, or some gal learned how to buy and flip rental properties. That's not exactly my kind of entrepreneurship. But then, maybe it's not most people's. I couldn't really say. I'm feeling like an outsider again.

But for me, being an outsider is a good feeling. I like being on the edge, listening in, taking my view from a different place, having something unusual to contribute to the conversation. I learned that in junior high school, those many years ago. I had had a rough time in elementary school... a really rough time. I was small, always the smallest. And I was young, younger than all but one very sweet (and very smart) Korean-American girl (I hear in Korea you're considered 1 at birth -- apparently counting gestation as a first year -- any insight, Soo? -- so there may have been some discrepancy in translation).

In any case, I joined the group in second grade, having missed two years of socializing with my cohorts. Somehow, that lead to my becoming an outcast. I had three or four friends until fifth grade. Mostly, I was known as it and thing. I learned self-reliance, self-respect, self-confidence. I had to. In junior high, I learned to blend, to be a chameleon, always to be almost a part of many cliques, never quite a member of any of them, but never fully excluded. I think that's lived with me until now.

I suppose that has contributed to my comfort with interdisciplinarity. Who wants to be fully entrenched in one discipline, when you can find a territory to lay claim to that lies between several? I wrote a lot about the dangers and challenges of this approach, and also its benefits, on my old blog. And now, I've left academia. I'm an outsider there, and an outsider in business.

I like being a researcher/entrepreneur. I like the prospects that appear on my horizon. This just may work. I may be able to carve this territory for myself, find a way to make a living at it, keep it self-sustaining, and fully regain my dignity, which has been creeping back after the relentless suction of four years wandering a zombie among the forgotten and abandoned PhDs.

I'm looking forward now. Enjoying every way station. Enjoying my time. Enjoying my life. Enjoying the rains and the storms. Enjoying my house. Enjoying my family. Life really is good.

Wait no more

Part of being an academic wannabe was getting used to waiting. It's a destructive habit, turning racehorses into sloths. I feel a surge around me, my body lurches. I'm not sedentary, but this activity is unaccustomed for me. I've grown fearful over the years, no longer my fully energetic and fearless self. I buck at my own urging, wanting to graze a bit by the side of the track, then get back to racing, you know, whenever. Granted, I'm not 20-something and single any more. I'm married and have three kids. There are obligations.

I need regain some of my fearlessness. It's a necessary component of an entrepreneur's blood. Money money money. I've been dealing with the state agencies, in hopes that my family will qualify for some assistance, in particular health insurance. That's a major expense that I've been worrying about. For now, we have no insurance, though we should be able to enroll in COBRA (for about $800/month) if we need it. I want to know that there's some safety net for us, so I can divert some of that money into building the business (so I can afford my own insurance sooner).

I realize that part of my worry is simply projection. I'm projecting my fears and concerns outward. I have no control over state agencies (though applying for whatever support I'm eligible for makes sense). I do have control to some extent over our expenditures. And the opportunities for me to spend our money keeps piling up.

I'm looking to hire a grant writer to help me apply for these federal grants. I'm looking to hire a patent attorney to help me prepare my patent applications. I'm looking to join some local and regional organizations (each with its dues). I'm considering conferences (industry conferences often run over a $1000 plus travel and lodging).

Thousands of dollars peer out the windows longingly (like my cats) with their wings spread, ready to jump. How much will remain? How long will it last? See... to some extent those are not the questions an entrepreneur should be asking (though a healthy dose of realism and practicality can be prescribed). An entrepreneur needs sometimes simply to leap, to spend. That's both the benefit and the problem with financing. If it's my money, I may be too cautious; If it's somebody else's, I may spend too hastily. It's the balance that I'm seeking.

I just wish I could delegate some of the decisions to others. Patience and perseverance!

Whenever you close a door...

A couple days ago, I received an email from the director of a workshop/institute in Canada, who had initially contacted me a year ago inviting me to participate as a speaker. Because of conflicts I was unable to take part, but we left the possibility open for future collaborations. The recent letter was rather thorough, with an update on what has been happening with the institute, and with her invitations and talks in the interim. She wrote in particular to ask if I'd be available to meet for a couple days this summer with some of her colleagues to discuss possible links between my work and theirs.

I am wondering whether you might be interested in having a conversation about possible links. I continue to feel that your work and background would suit a fruitful interaction.

I wrote back to say it was nice to hear from her, to update her a bit on my status, and to say, yes, if she could arrange it, I should be available to fly in for a two-day meeting.

She wrote back immediately:

Good to read from you. Yes, it's a tough road to find the sort of position you're looking for in academe. We're in the midst of trying to make a pitch for some of that here, and [the institute] is a centrepiece of that plan. Out of curiousity - does your news about stopping the frustrating job search mean that you would not take a position if it fell into your lap? (not offering, but in a longer-term sense things may emerge here...)

And so, the saga continues. I've learned however to count on nothing (except myself, and my family). That said, of course I'm intrigued by her continuing interest in my work. Would I consider a position that fell in my lap? Surely. Would I take it? Depends on the position.

____________
Meantime, our house is almost in order. The basement begins to look less like a city dump, and more like a work-in-progress. We've framed the entire family/entertainment room, and are ready to start putting in the electrical. Another couple weeks? My father-in-law comes over about two days a week, for us to work on it.

We're almost done with all the unpacking. We opted to keep the Painter home for the remainder of this school year, then start him in first grade in the fall. We were rather unimpressed with the next school over, where he'd need be sent for the rest of kindergarten. This will give us some chance to visit the zoned school (and possibly others in the district if that proves equally uninspiring).

I'm wishing very much that I could have a normal week of working again. But moving takes time. It's good to be here though. I can say that with confidence. It's good to have a home again, to own a home again. It's good to have a sense that we're on a solid footing, that we're taken care of for a while, that we need not worry too much about finances, and can focus on life. One step at a time.

Industry Conference 2008

Just noticed a recent email announcing the deadline for submissions to present at [Applied Research Industry Conference 2008], January 18.

Now I've still got some things on my plate: got to finish this brief bio of the protagonist of my dissertation, due January 28; need to prepare an abstract by next Friday for this book contribution that I didn't really have enough desire to shirk; and now the possibility of preparing a proposal for [ARIC 2008].

If I don't submit for [ARIC] in the next week, it means I won't be presenting there until August 2009! So, while I haven't completed these proofs-of-concept, I've got enough done that I'm confident I'd have something significant to show by this August in New York. Trick is, I won't have a patent yet, and might likely not have filed one by then either. I fear I might get ready for everything, then get advice from my attorney that it'd be too risky to present it publicly before filing patent papers. If it's public domain (or arguably so), I may forfeit patentability. The question is, could I show enough to raise eyebrows, harness interest, but not risk giving it all away?

It's a tough call. On the one hand, if I submit, and it gets accepted, I've set myself a deadline (normally a good thing) for preparing presentation quality materials. I could always pull out later, on legal counsel, but that might not be a good precedent to set. On the other hand, I could simply wait until I've polished everything before sending it out, even if that'd mean a possible delay of a year before wide distribution.

Stepping down

Dear Bidar & Evan,

The deadline for abstracts is creeping up, and I've been dragging my feet. I assure you this is not due to any recently acquired lack of interest or commitment to the subject. The conference in June was a break in the clouds from the otherwise dreary gloom I've had since completing my dissertation March 2004. It's a simple matter of having spent the past three years as a PhD unable to gain a foothold in academia, beyond the overwork, miserable pay, and lack of benefits that are offered to adjunct faculty in the States. After ~150 applications for permanent faculty posts, I've determined it time to move on.

I've yet to obtain any funding or institutional support for my [Longitudinal Project], without which the endeavor has stalled. I have found however a renewed commitment to my research, and a hope that I can muster practical applications from it before my savings run out. My current efforts deal with [brief description]. While I intend to keep up research in the area of [subject of the conference last June, where I gave a plenary address], it may simply have to wait until I have sufficient income to support my family (growing now, with our third son due to arrive in the next month). After having spent the past several years supporting me and the boys, my wife is intent to take a few years hiatus from being an engineer. The upshot is, at the moment, I'm not sure just what I might contribute to the planned volume, and regretfully withdraw.

I hope this missive meets you both well, and that you will understand my situation.

All best regards, with hope that we shall remain in touch,

Articulate

_______________________________
*****Updated to add reply from Bidar*****

Dear Articulate

Many thanks for your heartfelt email. I can certainly understand and appreciate your frustration with job hunting. The American job market is prohibitively competitive.

It is a great disappointment to me that you will be unable to offer something for the volume, and I would strongly encourage you to reconsider. The volume has a very strong array of contributors and your own work would complement it well.

All best wishes,

Bidar
______
Chairman, Department of [Field 1]
General Editor, [Journal] [Publisher]
General Editor, [Book series] [Publisher]

*****End reply from Bidar*****

_____________________
Now, what to do? I am torn. What are my measures? What determines worth and value? How do I decide where to expend my energies?

*****Updated to add my response****

Dear Bidar,

Alright... I reconsider. But I won't be able to get you an abstract by sundown. If I get you one by next Friday (18 Jan) will that do?

Best,

Articulate

Conference: Good!

I'm having a great time at [Applied Research Field Industry Conference]. It's been really one thing after another, confirming that I'm the right track, that the methods I'm developing are not really being done by anyone else, and at least as importantly, that they are of interest to a variety of others. There've been quite a few interesting talks and demos. I've been inspired to define a few more challenges and projects to get working on, in response to some of what's been presented (and from conversations I've had after panel presentations and during the receptions).

There's the possibility of some consulting work with a firm in Russia, the possibility of collaborations with a research lab for a European company based in Massachusetts, and interest in the technology I'm developing for possible integration with the software products of another European firm. I become more and more convinced that what I'm doing will work, that it will work fairly soon, that it will be in demand and useful to a variety of clients. This is all very exciting.

Now I just need to finish that coding to get my first proofs-of-concept presentation ready.

Still coding

Apologies to those of you with little interest in or knowledge of programming:

To clarify a point, I needed to create a multidimensional dynamic array, that took input from several files, rather than the keyboard. I also realized in the past couple days, that it were best if I could also create temporary multidimensional dynamic arrays, based on the data in the first ones, to handle the intermediate transformations that the data needs to undergo.

For some reason however, I'm baffled. My earlier attempts today, to simply handle the transformations on the fly so to speak, writing the data directly to a file, through a complex calculation didn't work. This evening, I spent a bit more time creating the temporary arrays, then running the calculations on intermediate data, which in principle should be simpler. But the program keeps faulting out at a certain point.

It's exciting to be on the verge of so much. Yet it's frustrating to have the hurdles and pitfalls elude me. Sleep. I must sleep. Then maybe I can return to this fresh.

In any case, I'm heading off to New York on Sunday morning for [Applied Research Field Industry Conference]. I don't have to solve everything tonight, or this week. In another week, I return to the classroom again, at least for a time. It will be a good test for me. How will I adjust to being a professor (albeit an adjunct)?

This all will come. It just takes time (and patience).

Big Breakthrough

And wouldn't you know it?... There's no big celebration, no fireworks. Only the immediate realization that only now can the hard work begin.

About 180 lines of code in C++, and I finally cracked a problem that's been daunting me for weeks. I've been trying to figure out a way to compare different sorts of data one to the other, on an even keel. Finally, I've written the tool that will allow that.

It's as if I have 5976 holes to dig, and I've only just now invented the shovel. I guess it's time to get digging.

I've been mentioning this proof of concept that I'm working on. At this stage, I'm ready to start piecing things together. Whether or not I'll be able to pull that off in time for [Applied Research Field Industry Conference] next week (and get my course preps done) is yet to be seen.

But, I'm much more confident that it all can be done in a reasonable time than before I solved this problem.

Maybe it's time to head home and play with the boys. I can work on this more tonight and tomorrow.

Plus this, plus that

What have I been up to?

Mostly... C++. I've worked my way through about 350 pages of the text, finally at the point where I'll get back to some coding. I realize at this point that what I'm trying to do, while in some ways quite simple, really isn't. In a way, that's really good. Because, if it were really quite simple, I'd have a lower confidence level that it's truly new. Because it's so involved, I have greater confidence that it's not likely been done before. Which, to an entrepreneur, is quite a pleasant thing to imagine.

I've not done much work on my course prep this past week. I received my contract last week, which I immediately signed and returned. It arrived about a month later than they had given me to expect it. Point 2 of the contract read, with a sprinkling of bold face, and all caps, that employment for all new part-time faculty is contingent upon attendance at their orientation session. You'd think they could have given new faculty more than two and half weeks' notice, eh?

Fair enough, normally I could attend a meeting with two weeks' notice... except, it happens to be scheduled at a time when I'll be in New York attending [Applied Research Field Industry Conference]. I've sent quite a few emails to various parties trying to ascertain how to proceed. The word I get is that they require it to ensure attendance, but every year there are some people who can't make it. Problem is, I've signed a contract, which by their composition contains a screaming section explaining that my employment is contingent upon fulfilling a requirement that I simply can't fulfill (rather, I'm not willing to cancel my flight and miss the conference).

In terminology I'm familiar with "contingent upon" means that I will not be employed if that requirement is not satisfied. Yes, I understand (from their mollifying remarks) that it's hyperbole, yet it's legal hyperbole, that protects them, not me. Real problem is I can't get anyone in my department or college to respond to my emails requesting an alternate orientation session (which is what I was asked to do by the chancellor's office). My emails have actually been courteous (I'm bitching here to get it off my chest.)

So, do I leave them hanging? Probably not, but this is really annoying, and a bad start to my return to the classroom. We'll see.

Today, then, is reworking my algorithm to more closely fit the way C++ works (at least as much as I know and understand), and beginning to code the initial test program for the proof of concept. Next week, I suppose, I get back to course prep in earnest (unless of course I'm not to be employed). Frankly, the $7700 (for two classes--they only gave me a contract for a single term, though I had been asked to teach the courses for two) couldn't hurt us (especially in today's market), but we won't go hungry without it. I've tried hard not to feel insulted by the payscale, considering I spent six years getting a PhD (after the Master's) in order to qualify for such low pay (and this, AFTER a 7% pay raise!) Granted, it's twice what I was making for teaching at a community college in Colorado 7-8 years ago. But that's little consolation.

Enough. This simply reminds me why I'm heading off into my own work. In that, lies satisfaction, and at least the potential for reasonable compensation.

Plus what?

C++. You know, the programming is not really all that hard. And while creating an algorithm in plain English can be rather involved, it isn't all that hard either. But getting the darn compiler to work... well, that has proven difficult. It's funny, you'd think they'd have some documentation that'd make it easy enough for someone to just get started. I spent over an hour this morning going around in circles simply trying to figure out how to compile and run a simple test program, without first having to figure out about forms and objects and projects... Sheesh!

I finally figured out a way to do so using the command prompt. But I've yet to figure it out within the Borland C++ Builder GUI. Ah well. The command prompt should serve for now.

I believe I shaved three years off my life this morning by the stress of it.

So I've decided that I need to become a programmer, at least initially. I called around to try and find someone I could hire to write me some code, and hopefully tutor me a bit. But I'm tired of waiting. Today's fortune cookie:

You think too much.
Today means action.
Carry out your plan.

And so, that is what I'm trying to do. I've got a conference coming up in New York at the end of this month. It's the big Industry Conference for Applied Research Field. If all goes well, I'll have a working proof of concept to show around. I'd really like to create some buzz. I want people to be surprised and impressed by what I show them.

How could you do that? What did you do? I mean, wow!

That's what I'd like to hear. And the answer would be... sign this non-disclosure agreement please, then I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

I'm close. I'm really close, at least for this initial proof of concept. There's a lot more work (A LOT MORE WORK!) left to do. But that's the exciting part. The point I'm trying to make now is to demonstrate that certain things are possible, even if they haven't been considered before. To some extent it's creating a market for a product that people don't yet think they need.

But we're not talking an umbrella sun hat with a fan. What I'm trying to create will have real-world, everyday applications. It's just people have gotten used to what they've got. Maybe it's like the first cordless phones, or the first digital text files. Before they came along, most people didn't think they'd have cause to walk in the garden while talking on the phone, or read a memo without holding a piece of paper.

I've been working on the algorithm for various proofs of concept. If all goes well, this first one will land me some consulting work, and at least one patent application. There's more to come. But this is a start.

And so, I'm becoming a bit of a programmer.

More confusion

Those of you who were regular readers of my old blog may recall the competition for my favors a few months ago, dueling invitations for conferences on different continents. I wound up attending the one in England, in part because they were earlier in their invitation, and had sooner assured me of funding (though to be honest, I've yet to receive a reimbursement). It was a wonderful trip, quite a treat to be part of a conference where I was one of the leading lights, and not merely a hanger-on.

I just received a note from the other conference organizer in Canada saying she hoped to reopen the conversation. Apparently, their inaugural event was a great success, and they're planning to hold another one, tentatively scheduled for next June. She wanted to entice my interest, and invite me to draft up a proposal for something that would fit into to their planned events, where I could participate as invited faculty. It's new and I confess quite pleasing to be pursued in this way. ("Close a door, and someone's sure to knock.")

Thus my /scholar/professor comes back to goad me. I've been working on my class syllabi for Lemon University today. One unexpected boon from the au pair trials, is that we'll actually have someone to watch the boys during the day over the next two weeks. M will be returning to Germany for a couple weeks, to visit family and friends, and most importantly the U.S. Embassy to receive her student visa. I had expected to watch the boys most of that time, meaning no chance for course prep (or research).

Since we've got arriving on Saturday, other than a few days of transitioning, during which I'll spend all or most of the days at home, I'll be back working on a normal schedule. M moves out tomorrow evening. Then we pick up D at the airport the following day.

Do we ever settle into one sort of being?

This will happen

Got back from England Sunday night. A few delays. Finally met my wife about 3 hours later than scheduled. I've yet to see my luggage. Sounds like it was expected to arrive at the airport last night. Hopefully I'll see it this evening on my doorstep. It's well-traveled at least.

The conference and radio segment went well. It was quite a charge for me. The first time I got to speak at a plenary session of a conference. Several participants noted that they had read my publications; one even said he was honored to meet me. And I rubbed shoulders (and had dinner) with others whose works I've read over the years, without feeling intimidated by them.

Now, I'm working to get settled back into a routine. Saturday we head to visit family in the Chicago/Milwaukee area for about a week. Next few weeks, I'll be prepping my courses for the fall. I need to select a text for one of the courses. The other one (an intro course for non-majors) uses the same text (newer edition) that I used when I taught the course at a community college 1998-2000. That prep should be a piece of cake. And the first should be fun and interesting to prepare, even if it will prove more effort.

Meantime, I'm continuing my research. I met an entrepreneur on the plane, who runs a firm that could well prove interested in one of the products I'm working on. He gave me a sense of what he's using today, and its cost, indicating that he'd be ready to jump if I could provide my product at a comparable cost. 2-3 years I think. But it's good to get started researching the market.

I need to put together a business plan. Importantly, I need to settle on one or two main projects that will be my initial focus. I'll need to know what the market looks like, what sorts of contracts I might be able to expect, how much they'll be worth, how enduring. I'll need to be armed with this information when I start talking to Venture Capitalists (or loan officers). They're going to want to know that I've done my homework, and that my proposed product is viable.

I called a patent law office today, and left a message for one of the partners. I'm ready to set up an initial consultation. Before I start talking details with VCs or with individuals or companies that might partner with me, I want to make sure that my ideas are protected.

This is very exciting! I know this will work. I know that it's worthwhile. See, a good part of the motivation is that everyday technology is moving ahead. It's unstoppable. There is a question however about its trajectory. Specifically, how we as people interact with technology. There are essentially two paths: first, that we will continue to accommodate machines, that we will modify our behaviors to be recognizable and comprehensible to machines; the second is that machines will learn to become more like us, and to understand us more as we are.

Scary perhaps, but I have confidence that technologies of this sort will necessarily move slowly enough, allowing us to time to re-acclimate. It's this second path that I'm working on, defining one particular tributary along the route to build out my domain. I can't say this was what I had in mind when I entered graduate school, the second time, to get my PhD. But I can say that this current heading is not an aberration. It is true to who I am, to my interests, to my strengths. I'm enjoying the ride.

Morning in the old world

Revelers sang loudly nostalgic songs in the courtyard outside my window until sometime after midnight. I wanted to be annoyed. But really, I couldn't. I was charmed by their youthful exuberance, the passion and excitment of the end of the school year. Many if not all of them were surely graduating seniors, ready to pass into a new phase of their lives. There was something true about their sharing this last hurrah, holding on to each other in their collective rituals of celebration and parting.

I like the moist air and light here. It reminds me of my childhood on the East Coast of the States. Southern California is really too dry for me, in a way too false. I imagine Gaia suffering under the burden of all the people and their effects in southern California, the land sustaining only so much more their passage and irrigation, their building and polluting. I wonder when she will shirk, tumbling property values in her wake. Southern California just isn't really my dream. I want moss and brick and stone.

The conference "morning tea" and registration begins just about now. I should pretty up in my room, then head over. My calfs are tight from all the walking ("there are 325 steps in the tower of the Cathedral" I was told yesterday as we began. Thanks.)

Enjoy your day, my friends. I'm sure I will.

Safe and sound in a medieval town

I arrived safely this morning, and made my way to the medieval town of the conference. Unfortunately, my luggage had a detour in Amsterdam. I guess the draw of the city was too much for it to follow me to England. Empty handed I made my way to the college where I'm staying, then had a couple hours to kill in town before I could check in.

I had a spare 20 minutes to rest after finally getting to my room, to sit, before the taxi picked me up and took me back to the city where I landed, for the radio recording session. Not quite the barren room I had expected. Rather a full and cluttered room, with a small section in a corner reserved for "contributors" with a microphone and a headset.

It was rather fun talking about my research, being treated as someone to be listened to, who might have ideas and opinions worth hearing. I felt, despite the exhaustion and the minor trials of travel, that I made my contribution. Apparently the program won't air until August.

Back in my room, I had just fallen into a deep restful sleep, when the beadle cracked a stick upon my door. Suh? It's Harold, the beadle. Your bag's here, suh. It'll be waitin' for yuh at the reception. So, it had it's fill of Amsterdam, in the end, and decided to keep me company. I guess I'll go out for some grub and pub, then sleep soundly tonight.

I'm leaving, on a jet plane

Heading out tomorrow morning. Long travel day. It'll be Thursday morning when I arrive, so I better get my sleep on the plane. I'm looking forward to the trip. I think this will be a big boost to my self-confidence. It'll mark the first time for a long while that I've felt acknowledged as a leading light in something. I think we all need that once in a while. Too much and it'd go to our heads, I'm sure. But I've not gotten it for a while. This will be a welcome change.

I sent my presentation slides and notes to my panel, and to the organizer of the conference, the one who invited me to participate in the first place. The latter wrote me back with a brief, but very nice note, to the effect that it should prove a fascinating talk, and that he looks forward to meeting me. That's nice to hear, real nice!

Wish me well, as I embark on an adventure as an academic once again. And wish me well on making sense during my radio interview on Thursday. If anyone's in the UK (or thinks they might have access to the online feeds) and would like details on when and where it might air, drop me a line, and I'll forward the details as soon as I know them. Best wishes to all. See you on the other side.

Coherence in 20 minutes or less

I've come to believe that if you can't say something coherently in 15-20 minutes, than you can't likely say it coherently at all. I'm done with my presentation. It clocks in at 16 minutes and change, with time for a few closing examples. I like it. Also got an email this morning confirming the radio syndicate's booking of transportation for me to and from my hotel, for the studio interview we've scheduled for Thursday. I arrive in the UK on Thursday morning (barring any unforeseens). I'll have some time to catch my breath, get to my hotel and take a shower, before I make my way to what sounds like a barren room with a set of headphones, and disembodied voices coming at me from half a country away. This should be a treat.

I prepared the talk in Openoffice Impress, which I'm quite impressed with. I have been using the Openoffice suite of products for about two years now, having switched immediately upon filing my dissertation. The one holdout for me was PowerPoint, since (at the time) the animation functionality was far better than Impress. I'd say the openoffice crew has made great strides in catching up. I still prefer the PowerPoint "dissolve" animation, but that's about it.

If you're not familiar with openoffice, check it out (I've added a link in my sidebar). It's an open source project, freely downloadable from the web. They provide a complete platform-independent office suite of products to replace what you're likely using. I've been quite pleased with all the ones I've tried. I recommend them heartily.