Monday, May 12, 2008

Wait no more

Part of being an academic wannabe was getting used to waiting. It's a destructive habit, turning racehorses into sloths. I feel a surge around me, my body lurches. I'm not sedentary, but this activity is unaccustomed for me. I've grown fearful over the years, no longer my fully energetic and fearless self. I buck at my own urging, wanting to graze a bit by the side of the track, then get back to racing, you know, whenever. Granted, I'm not 20-something and single any more. I'm married and have three kids. There are obligations.

I need regain some of my fearlessness. It's a necessary component of an entrepreneur's blood. Money money money. I've been dealing with the state agencies, in hopes that my family will qualify for some assistance, in particular health insurance. That's a major expense that I've been worrying about. For now, we have no insurance, though we should be able to enroll in COBRA (for about $800/month) if we need it. I want to know that there's some safety net for us, so I can divert some of that money into building the business (so I can afford my own insurance sooner).

I realize that part of my worry is simply projection. I'm projecting my fears and concerns outward. I have no control over state agencies (though applying for whatever support I'm eligible for makes sense). I do have control to some extent over our expenditures. And the opportunities for me to spend our money keeps piling up.

I'm looking to hire a grant writer to help me apply for these federal grants. I'm looking to hire a patent attorney to help me prepare my patent applications. I'm looking to join some local and regional organizations (each with its dues). I'm considering conferences (industry conferences often run over a $1000 plus travel and lodging).

Thousands of dollars peer out the windows longingly (like my cats) with their wings spread, ready to jump. How much will remain? How long will it last? See... to some extent those are not the questions an entrepreneur should be asking (though a healthy dose of realism and practicality can be prescribed). An entrepreneur needs sometimes simply to leap, to spend. That's both the benefit and the problem with financing. If it's my money, I may be too cautious; If it's somebody else's, I may spend too hastily. It's the balance that I'm seeking.

I just wish I could delegate some of the decisions to others. Patience and perseverance!


Tracy said...

I'm sure you've investigated this already, but I wanted to mention Badger Care Plus for health insurance. Might be a good option?

I'm thinking of you and hoping all goes well! (I'd write more but I have 8.5 million papers to grade. Ugh.)

Lilian said...

Money is always a problem for me. Money fears paralyze me, make me sick with worry. I'm always thinking of you and hoping everything will turn out all right in the end.