I made the new hires anyway. I've got two new full-time employees starting in a couple weeks. The word I got on the decision that was expected in May is that it will likely be announced before the end of June. That left me with an unpleasant choice. I need the new hires to complete the current project. But without additional funding, I can't guarantee them a year of employment. I figured my best option was transparency. So I made the offers, with the stipulation that without further funding, I couldn't assure them a job after early 2012. One declined, opting to wait for more long-term news. The second accepted, as did the alternate for the first.
I'm expanding staff, but crossing my fingers that I'll be able to keep them employed in a year. Of course, my job is as on-the-line as theirs. Meaning, this is a rather stressful time, knowing I've got work to do, commitments to fulfill, and a very real, somewhat looming expiration date.
Three currently outstanding proposals remain, each of which would buy us some more time, and offer opportunities for long-term contributions to the field externally, and growth and development internally.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
The fragility of uncertainty
I wait... Three outstanding proposals.
One decision was supposed to be announced last month. It's still unannounced. Not a small deal! A three year contract, enough to hire several new employees, and engage a subcontractor. Still, I wait.
The second, a collaboration with a non-profit medical clinic to modify our technology to an entirely new arena. Waiting for their decision whether it's worth the effort. (It is!) But I have to wait on their market surveys to establish the value.
The third, we don't expect to hear until the end of the summer or beginning of the fall.
I've conducted interviews for new hires. But I can't make offers until I hear about these commitments and know our budget moving forward. Frustrating (for me and them).
I calculate in my mind alternatives, options. All is uncertain. Will my company be around in a year or two? More imporantly, will I be able to continue the R&D that I firmly believe will contribute to bettering lives. One way or another, I'll figure a way.
One way or another.
One decision was supposed to be announced last month. It's still unannounced. Not a small deal! A three year contract, enough to hire several new employees, and engage a subcontractor. Still, I wait.
The second, a collaboration with a non-profit medical clinic to modify our technology to an entirely new arena. Waiting for their decision whether it's worth the effort. (It is!) But I have to wait on their market surveys to establish the value.
The third, we don't expect to hear until the end of the summer or beginning of the fall.
I've conducted interviews for new hires. But I can't make offers until I hear about these commitments and know our budget moving forward. Frustrating (for me and them).
I calculate in my mind alternatives, options. All is uncertain. Will my company be around in a year or two? More imporantly, will I be able to continue the R&D that I firmly believe will contribute to bettering lives. One way or another, I'll figure a way.
One way or another.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Seeking Ground
It's been a while. My mind wanders. I need to write to clear the dust and cobwebs. I find myself at the moment a bit adrift. There is a point in accomplishment where novelty has worn off, and one begins to think "yeah... done that, what's next?". This too shall pass, I know. There's still much to be done right here. Frankly, it's amazing to me how far I've come in the past few years.
Tomorrow for instance, I'm heading to the state capital, having been invited to participate in a planning session for a new state agency entrusted with the mission to create 250,000 new jobs. I was requested by the head of the state's entrepreneurs' network to accompany her. Wow!
A couple months shy of three years ago, I started my company in a home office, with a few ideas and the sense that I was better off heading in a new direction. Today, I've got a staff of seven, a half million in annual revenues, interesting and worthwhile work, respect, and only growth ahead.
Today we reached a rather anticlimactic, but significant milestone. We gave our midterm presentation, halfway through our two-year contract. Since the client had already authorized the second year of funding last month, which prompted me to give everyone a bonus and raise, the review became somewhat routine and pro-forma. As if to put a point on it, the basic gist of the client's response today was "All's well, looks good, keep it up, and I'll stay out of your way," Ah, okay, will do.
In a few weeks, my family is taking a week's vacation around Passover. The whole clan will be heading to California. It'll be the longest time I've been away from the office since moving the operation out of my house. Since wrapping up the first year of our project, I've given the team rather open-ended assignments, to challenge them, and to propel the whole enterprise forward. Hopefully the experiment will pay off, and they won't feel aimless with me in absence.
Meantime, I'm seeking my own ground, trying not to lose the strength and commitment of doing what is still palably exciting, just no longer novel.
Tomorrow for instance, I'm heading to the state capital, having been invited to participate in a planning session for a new state agency entrusted with the mission to create 250,000 new jobs. I was requested by the head of the state's entrepreneurs' network to accompany her. Wow!
A couple months shy of three years ago, I started my company in a home office, with a few ideas and the sense that I was better off heading in a new direction. Today, I've got a staff of seven, a half million in annual revenues, interesting and worthwhile work, respect, and only growth ahead.
Today we reached a rather anticlimactic, but significant milestone. We gave our midterm presentation, halfway through our two-year contract. Since the client had already authorized the second year of funding last month, which prompted me to give everyone a bonus and raise, the review became somewhat routine and pro-forma. As if to put a point on it, the basic gist of the client's response today was "All's well, looks good, keep it up, and I'll stay out of your way," Ah, okay, will do.
In a few weeks, my family is taking a week's vacation around Passover. The whole clan will be heading to California. It'll be the longest time I've been away from the office since moving the operation out of my house. Since wrapping up the first year of our project, I've given the team rather open-ended assignments, to challenge them, and to propel the whole enterprise forward. Hopefully the experiment will pay off, and they won't feel aimless with me in absence.
Meantime, I'm seeking my own ground, trying not to lose the strength and commitment of doing what is still palably exciting, just no longer novel.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Bringer of Candy
Back in December I wrote about an opportunity to partner with a local campus and the tech transfer office of the state university. It's been progressing. The latest was gaining approval from the campus administration ("Oh... the Chancellor says 'hi', she remembers you, and is excited to be partnering with you ...") and putting together the details of the proposal: objectives, milestones, budget. That should all be submitted by them to the funding agency next week. There's a bit of fire under their feet as the state budget process is looking to make cuts, so spending pre-allocated money hastily is one way to ward off the butcher's cleaver.
I'm in the unaccustomed position of creating a new post-doc position at a university, with good pay and benefits, to work on a project that promises to be engaging, for which I would have been eager to apply for a few years ago. It is distinctly odd to be a party of repute, when in my mind there's little difference between who I am today, and that invisible, nameless, faceless post-doc I was a few years ago (albeit on different campuses).
I'm also planning to hire one new full-time researcher, and a couple part-time interns in-house. One of my current researchers is interested in applying for the post-doc, meaning I may have to replace her on the staff as well. To her, I must appear as the bringer of candy, strewing sweets before her, that she can gather up. At least that would have been my image of someone writing a position description that could be just for me.
There's no telling whether the company will continue to grow, whether I'll be able to sustain the research, creating jobs, delivering on our promises, and making a profit, all the while doing something useful and beneficial to society. I'm cautiously optimistic. The work is difficult and challenging. But quite a thrill to be doing, and rather surprising at times to be leading.
All in all, I'm still here, despite the frequent and enduring silences.
I'm in the unaccustomed position of creating a new post-doc position at a university, with good pay and benefits, to work on a project that promises to be engaging, for which I would have been eager to apply for a few years ago. It is distinctly odd to be a party of repute, when in my mind there's little difference between who I am today, and that invisible, nameless, faceless post-doc I was a few years ago (albeit on different campuses).
I'm also planning to hire one new full-time researcher, and a couple part-time interns in-house. One of my current researchers is interested in applying for the post-doc, meaning I may have to replace her on the staff as well. To her, I must appear as the bringer of candy, strewing sweets before her, that she can gather up. At least that would have been my image of someone writing a position description that could be just for me.
There's no telling whether the company will continue to grow, whether I'll be able to sustain the research, creating jobs, delivering on our promises, and making a profit, all the while doing something useful and beneficial to society. I'm cautiously optimistic. The work is difficult and challenging. But quite a thrill to be doing, and rather surprising at times to be leading.
All in all, I'm still here, despite the frequent and enduring silences.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
The Other Side
Earlier this week, I had a meeting with the director of the tech transfer office for the state university system. The meeting was facilitated by the small business coordinator of a local state university campus. Apparently, there is a relatively new state program providing funds to support partnerships between small companies and university campuses. They're proposing to fund one or two post-docs to be assigned exclusively to my firm, for collaborative projects. My company would retain rights to any technologies or products that we jointly develop, with a rather generous cut of the proceeds (far better terms than a professor would get).
I'm just floored. I feel pampered and encouraged and wonderful. When I set out, and trudged on, and wilted on the faculty job search, I couldn't have dreamed I'd be where I am now, receiving this kind of attention and support. Maybe it's in part the result of having proven something, simply through perseverance. But I can't help but wonder why the system is so designed for famine and feast.
To be honest, while I'm quite content just now, I'd gladly give up ninety percent of the support and encouragement if I could be assured it'd be spread out among those equally worthy but ignored post-docs and adjuncts among whose ranks I toiled for a time. At the moment I am the beneficiary of largess, but the unfairness of the process is not lost on me. Someday I may again be cast aside, as easily as I am now lauded. I endeavor to retain grace and dignity should that occur, and I hope for the courage to foster and sustain those who find themselves in that state, while I bask in the glow of success.
I'm heading to the state capital next week to serve on an advisory committee for small businesses. I hope to raise some of these issues in an effort to provide opportunties for those many who could benefit from a similar path to the one I've taken, without so many of the bumps and bruises.
I'm just floored. I feel pampered and encouraged and wonderful. When I set out, and trudged on, and wilted on the faculty job search, I couldn't have dreamed I'd be where I am now, receiving this kind of attention and support. Maybe it's in part the result of having proven something, simply through perseverance. But I can't help but wonder why the system is so designed for famine and feast.
To be honest, while I'm quite content just now, I'd gladly give up ninety percent of the support and encouragement if I could be assured it'd be spread out among those equally worthy but ignored post-docs and adjuncts among whose ranks I toiled for a time. At the moment I am the beneficiary of largess, but the unfairness of the process is not lost on me. Someday I may again be cast aside, as easily as I am now lauded. I endeavor to retain grace and dignity should that occur, and I hope for the courage to foster and sustain those who find themselves in that state, while I bask in the glow of success.
I'm heading to the state capital next week to serve on an advisory committee for small businesses. I hope to raise some of these issues in an effort to provide opportunties for those many who could benefit from a similar path to the one I've taken, without so many of the bumps and bruises.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Not Invincible
Lately, I'm feeling somewhat less than invincible. Sure, my life is far more stable than it had been for a few years; yes, I am the head of a small company conducting interesting R&D; I lead a team of researchers to engage with ideas about questions that fire my passions; I'm well compensated for doing these things, I am autonomous and self-directed.
However, the fragility of it all weighs heavily on me right now. The firm was turned down for a follow-on contract on the second project we had been engaged in. That leaves us with just one funded project -- the one I started with by myself more than two years ago. The company has received nearly $400k in funds since I founded it in 2008; outstanding contracts account for nearly $600k more over the next year and a half. I've got seven on payroll; the expected income should keep them employed through at least part of 2012. But what then?
If this contract comes to an end, without anything in the pike, we close up shop and move on. Unlike a job, as an entrepreneur, it all rests squarely on my shoulders. If I don't source and land an income stream, it dries up. It's still pretty much in the basic research stage, nothing yet to sell other than the research itself, and the promise. We've got to deliver a mock-up demo in 4-6 months, and a prototype a year later. I'm confident we can deliver, but I wonder if that will be enough to produce a usable product and receive more funding, to keep the research and company alive.
The second project was not particularly well-defined on their end, but it provided us with six months of funding to engage with the problem. In the end, I feel good about the effort we made, the proposal we presented and the work it defines (enough so, that I plan to keep working on it, regardless of funding). The criticism came down to a few things which didn't really impinge on the quality of our work or the merit of our proposal. It was more a question of their needs and priorities, and disappointingly on their assessment of our ability to commercialize the results.
There's a big difference between academia and the world in which I now reside. The ability to commercialize and sell a product or service is always a factor. Innovation requires risk, but results are rewarded not risk (unless you work in financial services). Interdisciplinarity still haunts me; only now I must add the disciplines of business management and marketing to the pallette.
However, the fragility of it all weighs heavily on me right now. The firm was turned down for a follow-on contract on the second project we had been engaged in. That leaves us with just one funded project -- the one I started with by myself more than two years ago. The company has received nearly $400k in funds since I founded it in 2008; outstanding contracts account for nearly $600k more over the next year and a half. I've got seven on payroll; the expected income should keep them employed through at least part of 2012. But what then?
If this contract comes to an end, without anything in the pike, we close up shop and move on. Unlike a job, as an entrepreneur, it all rests squarely on my shoulders. If I don't source and land an income stream, it dries up. It's still pretty much in the basic research stage, nothing yet to sell other than the research itself, and the promise. We've got to deliver a mock-up demo in 4-6 months, and a prototype a year later. I'm confident we can deliver, but I wonder if that will be enough to produce a usable product and receive more funding, to keep the research and company alive.
The second project was not particularly well-defined on their end, but it provided us with six months of funding to engage with the problem. In the end, I feel good about the effort we made, the proposal we presented and the work it defines (enough so, that I plan to keep working on it, regardless of funding). The criticism came down to a few things which didn't really impinge on the quality of our work or the merit of our proposal. It was more a question of their needs and priorities, and disappointingly on their assessment of our ability to commercialize the results.
There's a big difference between academia and the world in which I now reside. The ability to commercialize and sell a product or service is always a factor. Innovation requires risk, but results are rewarded not risk (unless you work in financial services). Interdisciplinarity still haunts me; only now I must add the disciplines of business management and marketing to the pallette.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Religion & Ignorance
The following brief report from the October 2,2010 issue of The Economist caught my eye:
A survey from the Pew Research Centre that tested Americans' knowledge of world religions found that atheists and agnostics were better informed about religious teachings and religious leaders than were Protestants and Catholics. Evangelicals scored better on questions solely related to Christianity and the Bible.Draw your own conclusions.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Milestone
As of this morning, Rocket & I are completely free of student loans! With a combined age of 80, you'd think it's about time!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Don't Believe Everything You Read
Earlier in the week, my company was profiled (along with a couple thousand others), in one of the nation's (remaining) major newspapers, as part of an implicitly nefarious national intelligence build-up. It seems to these reporters anything even remotely linked to the intelligence community, has been broad-brushed into a dangerously out-of-control post-9/11 top secret fourth tier of government.
Um... you know, my office faces a main drag in a blue-collar midwestern town, with large glass windows, and the logo prominetly emblazoned on its front. We've got a website that while not giving away trade secrets, makes no effort to hide what we're up to. And despite the seemingly widespread belief among locals, we're not really spies.
The irony of it all is that after years of trying to safely land in academia, I finally found a mechanism via government grants and contracts that funds seed-stage basic research with an eye toward commercialization. The secret to me was that academics are simply not well-informed of the possibilities to engage in basic and applied research beyond the confines and constraints of academic institutions.
I think back to an exchange I had about four years ago with a research professor at a major East Coast U.S. institution, who essentially poo-pooed my suggestion that a lowly recent PhD might have ideas worthy of independent funding. The sad thing is, I believed it, until two years ago when my eyes were opened to the opportunities available to for-profit small businesses (even those that existed only as a lone researcher with untethered ideas and a lot of pluck).
And so, I've proven one of my favorite adages: everyone who got where they are started where they were. My former interlocutor, Karl-Heinz was wrong. At least to some who fund research, innovative ideas and the ability and willingness to pursue them to their logical ends, at the end of the day is really more significant that having convinced an old boys' network to let you play on their field.
If this sounds a bit like sour grapes, so be it. Today, where I am, pursuing my research passions, creating jobs, outside of academia... I couldn't be happier!
Um... you know, my office faces a main drag in a blue-collar midwestern town, with large glass windows, and the logo prominetly emblazoned on its front. We've got a website that while not giving away trade secrets, makes no effort to hide what we're up to. And despite the seemingly widespread belief among locals, we're not really spies.
The irony of it all is that after years of trying to safely land in academia, I finally found a mechanism via government grants and contracts that funds seed-stage basic research with an eye toward commercialization. The secret to me was that academics are simply not well-informed of the possibilities to engage in basic and applied research beyond the confines and constraints of academic institutions.
I think back to an exchange I had about four years ago with a research professor at a major East Coast U.S. institution, who essentially poo-pooed my suggestion that a lowly recent PhD might have ideas worthy of independent funding. The sad thing is, I believed it, until two years ago when my eyes were opened to the opportunities available to for-profit small businesses (even those that existed only as a lone researcher with untethered ideas and a lot of pluck).
And so, I've proven one of my favorite adages: everyone who got where they are started where they were. My former interlocutor, Karl-Heinz was wrong. At least to some who fund research, innovative ideas and the ability and willingness to pursue them to their logical ends, at the end of the day is really more significant that having convinced an old boys' network to let you play on their field.
If this sounds a bit like sour grapes, so be it. Today, where I am, pursuing my research passions, creating jobs, outside of academia... I couldn't be happier!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Closing a Chapter
We've been working on purging our house, making more room. We won't be getting a new au pair next year. Our current one departs in October. RocketMom is still working for my firm part-time, about 8-10 hours a week. She's getting a new laptop next week, to facilitate more working at home. We really don't need full-time childcare. Yes, we're home schooling, but the boys are mostly self-directed in that regard. We plan to hire some part-time help to cover the hours Rocket is in the office, some time for her to get away and be herself during the day, and some time at night or weekends to cover for both of us so we can have a date every so often.
We'll be reclaiming one small bedroom once M leaves. We've been listing things on Craigslist and Freecycle: a weight bench; a second mixer, a couple old kitchen cabinets. We're thinking of unloading our piano (the first piece of furniture we bought together), and getting a smaller electronic keyboard. In the dining room there are still two large bookcases covering an entire wall, that hadn't anywhere else to go. They cramp the space, and are less than half used at the moment. Over the years, we've discarded, sold, given away, or donated, on the order of 500-1000 books. One (even larger) bookcase remains upstairs in the hallway, packed to overflowing. I've got a full bookcase at my office with just about everything related to my present vocation. There are also several large filing cabinets with articles and documents, as well as personal materials.
So, I was revisiting a bottom shelf of one of the large dining room book cases, filled with music: scores, xeroxes, handwritten manuscripts. About 60% now rests in a pile a couple feet high or so, to be donated, discarded, sold, or given away. I . am. no. longer... I... I am... I am no longer a singer! at least not professionally, at least not for a career. There I said it. It's done.
That was... difficult! More difficult than what follows, which to you who have been reading is not news: I am no longer an academic... at least not for now... not for the foreseeable future. What need do I have for obscure bits of music, that I don't plan to sing, or write about? None is what I concluded... and so they stand in a stack two feet high, awaiting another residence.
We'll be reclaiming one small bedroom once M leaves. We've been listing things on Craigslist and Freecycle: a weight bench; a second mixer, a couple old kitchen cabinets. We're thinking of unloading our piano (the first piece of furniture we bought together), and getting a smaller electronic keyboard. In the dining room there are still two large bookcases covering an entire wall, that hadn't anywhere else to go. They cramp the space, and are less than half used at the moment. Over the years, we've discarded, sold, given away, or donated, on the order of 500-1000 books. One (even larger) bookcase remains upstairs in the hallway, packed to overflowing. I've got a full bookcase at my office with just about everything related to my present vocation. There are also several large filing cabinets with articles and documents, as well as personal materials.
So, I was revisiting a bottom shelf of one of the large dining room book cases, filled with music: scores, xeroxes, handwritten manuscripts. About 60% now rests in a pile a couple feet high or so, to be donated, discarded, sold, or given away. I . am. no. longer... I... I am... I am no longer a singer! at least not professionally, at least not for a career. There I said it. It's done.
That was... difficult! More difficult than what follows, which to you who have been reading is not news: I am no longer an academic... at least not for now... not for the foreseeable future. What need do I have for obscure bits of music, that I don't plan to sing, or write about? None is what I concluded... and so they stand in a stack two feet high, awaiting another residence.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Happy Birthday, Dad
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He would have been 75 today, had prostate cancer not claimed him at 69. I miss him!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Steps & Progress
Yesterday, I issued an offer of employment to hire a new full-time researcher. That brings the staff to seven (four full time). The two current projects are proceeding. New opportunities have been coming up, for which I expect to prepare proposals.
Though I took the steps myself to get where I am today, like wandering in unfamiliar woods, it's hard to recall just how the path took shape. I have believed that circumstances are not immutable, that we can rise above or alter the conditions we are given. Somehow, along the way, I have done just that (at least for now).
I am comfortable, happy, still in love with my wife and delighted by my children. I am well on the way to paying off the remainder of our student loans, and beginning to save for retirement again.
Severe thunderstorm warning. Watch for lightning!
Though I took the steps myself to get where I am today, like wandering in unfamiliar woods, it's hard to recall just how the path took shape. I have believed that circumstances are not immutable, that we can rise above or alter the conditions we are given. Somehow, along the way, I have done just that (at least for now).
I am comfortable, happy, still in love with my wife and delighted by my children. I am well on the way to paying off the remainder of our student loans, and beginning to save for retirement again.
Severe thunderstorm warning. Watch for lightning!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Values
What is it I value? Most of all: freedom, independence, respect. I think of Emerson's urging toward self-reliance.
I cook my own food, as much as possible from scratch. I tend a garden to provide fresh fruits and vegetables. I pickle my own cucumbers and cabbage, jar my own jams.
At present, I have budgetted to pay off our remaining $30,000 in student loans within the year. We own our car and our van. Our credit cards are paid off each month.
And yet, I am not quite free. I fantasize about opening a bagel shop with my family. What is it I'm running away from?
Work provides me with respect these days. It is exhilirating to pursue my own ideas to their logical ends. Sure, part of me laments that by rights I should still be an academic, with leisure to consider odd avenues of thought, contemplate how they fit into the jigsaw puzzle of problems and solutions, without the constant worry over where our next revenues will come from when the present projects end.
But then, I am happy where I am; happier most likely than I would have been. There is something challenging and positive in the need to focus on practical applications and the short fuse of funding that keeps us just that much on edge.
Yet, I still depend on others. Both for funding and for labor. At times the need for oversight and supervision is oppressing, time consuming, exhausting. But then, I don't really wish to do it all myself. There is drudgery and tedium in getting to an end. I welcome the company along the way. And I trust and hope that my degree of involvement in their work will diminish over time.
I hope!
I cook my own food, as much as possible from scratch. I tend a garden to provide fresh fruits and vegetables. I pickle my own cucumbers and cabbage, jar my own jams.
At present, I have budgetted to pay off our remaining $30,000 in student loans within the year. We own our car and our van. Our credit cards are paid off each month.
And yet, I am not quite free. I fantasize about opening a bagel shop with my family. What is it I'm running away from?
Work provides me with respect these days. It is exhilirating to pursue my own ideas to their logical ends. Sure, part of me laments that by rights I should still be an academic, with leisure to consider odd avenues of thought, contemplate how they fit into the jigsaw puzzle of problems and solutions, without the constant worry over where our next revenues will come from when the present projects end.
But then, I am happy where I am; happier most likely than I would have been. There is something challenging and positive in the need to focus on practical applications and the short fuse of funding that keeps us just that much on edge.
Yet, I still depend on others. Both for funding and for labor. At times the need for oversight and supervision is oppressing, time consuming, exhausting. But then, I don't really wish to do it all myself. There is drudgery and tedium in getting to an end. I welcome the company along the way. And I trust and hope that my degree of involvement in their work will diminish over time.
I hope!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A Good Week
It's been a good week so far. I'm beginning to settle into things a bit more. It's still a surprise to me to head into the office, and know that I'm the boss, that I'm responsible not only for my ideas, and my work. I'm responsible for a staff, and I'm responsible to my clients to deliver.
Today I submitted the third monthly report on my newer project. (The report due dates are staggered a couple weeks, so I flip flop between the two efforts). We're half way through the first stage contract on the second project. That's all that's guaranteed on this one.
At the end of six months, they get to decide if they want to fund us for another couple years. I think we've better than a 50/50 chance to get the two-year extension, but there's a lot riding on what we deliver over the next few months. Can we convince them that we're really onto something, something untried, but potentially transformative?
It's a new area for us as well. There's certainly a link to the work we've been doing, but the issues are broad and deep. Can I successfully make the case that the problems are extensive but that we've something useful to contribute to their resolution? Only time will tell.
But it's a wonderful position to be in to know that even if not, I've got signed contracts sufficient to sustain myself and my staff (perhaps even another new hire or two) for a couple years.
Yes, I've come to realize that there must be a plan beyond that. I need to see this company to long term viability. At the moment, there really isn't another option (shy of shepherding in New Zealand).
So, I look ahead, and keep on keeping on. Meantime, I'll enjoy my Monday off, and I look forward to a few days or a week at the Lake House in July. All in all, life is pretty good.
Today I submitted the third monthly report on my newer project. (The report due dates are staggered a couple weeks, so I flip flop between the two efforts). We're half way through the first stage contract on the second project. That's all that's guaranteed on this one.
At the end of six months, they get to decide if they want to fund us for another couple years. I think we've better than a 50/50 chance to get the two-year extension, but there's a lot riding on what we deliver over the next few months. Can we convince them that we're really onto something, something untried, but potentially transformative?
It's a new area for us as well. There's certainly a link to the work we've been doing, but the issues are broad and deep. Can I successfully make the case that the problems are extensive but that we've something useful to contribute to their resolution? Only time will tell.
But it's a wonderful position to be in to know that even if not, I've got signed contracts sufficient to sustain myself and my staff (perhaps even another new hire or two) for a couple years.
Yes, I've come to realize that there must be a plan beyond that. I need to see this company to long term viability. At the moment, there really isn't another option (shy of shepherding in New Zealand).
So, I look ahead, and keep on keeping on. Meantime, I'll enjoy my Monday off, and I look forward to a few days or a week at the Lake House in July. All in all, life is pretty good.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Easy Syndrome
Throughout my life, I have often discounted whatever came easy to me, as unworthy or value-less. These days my mind begins to wander. I fantasize about herding sheep in New Zealand. It's not that the technology itself is easy, nor that I've solved the bulk of the difficult parts. Not even close. There's work there to be done for decades.
But I feel a bit like my gradeschool self wondering why the teacher wants us to endlessly repeat the tasks we've already mastered. Yes, I know how to multiply 4x3... and 3x4, and 12x8, and 6X9, and 33X627... and. What more will I learn by doing it again, with ceaseless variations?
I realize to keep going in my business, I'll need to prepare and submit more grant and contract proposals, and negotiate collaborations and sales in the commercial arena, and I'll need to hire more staff. It's all still very early stage. Part of me still resents the summary dismissal I received from the Academy, because fundamental research is exceedingly difficult to conduct on a for-profit basis.
My problem is Easy Syndrome is part striving for novelty and challenge, part laziness. It's work to prepare proposals, and keep justifying the worthiness of our efforts, preparing demonstrations that give enough of a taste of the potential of the work to keep others interested.
It's a lot like auditions. No matter how well you performed in your last show, you're starting over, once it's done. Haven't I proven myself already? Do I have to do it again?
Truth is, yes... I do. And so... the green hills of New Zealand seem oh so appealing.
But I feel a bit like my gradeschool self wondering why the teacher wants us to endlessly repeat the tasks we've already mastered. Yes, I know how to multiply 4x3... and 3x4, and 12x8, and 6X9, and 33X627... and. What more will I learn by doing it again, with ceaseless variations?
I realize to keep going in my business, I'll need to prepare and submit more grant and contract proposals, and negotiate collaborations and sales in the commercial arena, and I'll need to hire more staff. It's all still very early stage. Part of me still resents the summary dismissal I received from the Academy, because fundamental research is exceedingly difficult to conduct on a for-profit basis.
My problem is Easy Syndrome is part striving for novelty and challenge, part laziness. It's work to prepare proposals, and keep justifying the worthiness of our efforts, preparing demonstrations that give enough of a taste of the potential of the work to keep others interested.
It's a lot like auditions. No matter how well you performed in your last show, you're starting over, once it's done. Haven't I proven myself already? Do I have to do it again?
Truth is, yes... I do. And so... the green hills of New Zealand seem oh so appealing.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Without a Struggle
Yesterday we passed a big milestone, the opening teleconference of our second stage (two year) contract. Yes, the contract officially began more than a month ago, but the conference was a big step, and a long time in coming. It's actually been more than a year since I had occasion to report on and present aspects of the technical progress of the project. So, like all things delayed, it loomed above me as a major step, growing with each passing day.
And.. best I can tell, they were wowed! It was also my first project conference with a full staff. I was on display not only for the project leads, but also for my employees. And it was a full house: 8 of us (me, 2 board members, 2 full-time researchers, 2 part-time staff, and one intern). I took everyone to lunch. A big sigh. I was relieved. And then... what now?
A few reports to file, a second month report for the other first stage project (due next week). But in truth, I feel rather freed, rather unfettered, yet flush with work for a couple years. It's an odd freedom. I'm so accustomed to struggling, that I'm a bit adrift. Silly, I know. But then experience is all we really have to inform our behavior. It just takes a little getting used to.
And.. best I can tell, they were wowed! It was also my first project conference with a full staff. I was on display not only for the project leads, but also for my employees. And it was a full house: 8 of us (me, 2 board members, 2 full-time researchers, 2 part-time staff, and one intern). I took everyone to lunch. A big sigh. I was relieved. And then... what now?
A few reports to file, a second month report for the other first stage project (due next week). But in truth, I feel rather freed, rather unfettered, yet flush with work for a couple years. It's an odd freedom. I'm so accustomed to struggling, that I'm a bit adrift. Silly, I know. But then experience is all we really have to inform our behavior. It just takes a little getting used to.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Some Days
... and today is one of them.
Nothing in particular... well, the computer acting up is one of them. I think I really need to "rebuild" my computer, but it's so much work to backup and migrate everything, and reinstall all the software. Yeah, I've got an IT assistant whom I pay to do that sort of thing. But my life is on that computer, at least big parts of it. I've got to be sure I have access to everything while the rebuild takes place.
Lots of little things accumulating and conspiring against my contentedness: One employee on medical leave; a second still learning; a contract lead who's less than clear on what he wants, and seems intent on asking us to work on areas of research far from our expertise and distant from what he originally asked for and what we proposed to accomplish; hardware that won't quite do what we expect it to; children who are a bit too hard to deal with at the moment.
Funny thing, all I really want is the freedom to pursue my research, to put my mind and talents to their best use. Damn the Academy for denying me those opportunities where I thought I should expect them; damn myself for the stubbornness to pursue them against the tide of circumstance.
Ha! I guess I make myself laugh too. My three boys at the moment and chasing each other in circles. Pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter. It's been rainy. They're happy at least, not fighting. Far worse things than that.
As life is. At the end of the week or early next week, I'll have in place a line of credit from my business bank. Good thing too. I haven't been able to pay myself since December. I've got about 7 or 8 checks piled up in a drawer awaiting my ability to cash them. The first two invoices (one on each contract) are awaiting payment, and a third should be submitted this week. It'll be a couple months until I catch up. But I will.
The tax accountant has been slow in finalizing our filings. I've had to draw from savings to cover the expected payments. Yes, far worse things than having to pay taxes, and having the savings to draw from.
Life's pretty good I know it. It's just been one of those days.
Nothing in particular... well, the computer acting up is one of them. I think I really need to "rebuild" my computer, but it's so much work to backup and migrate everything, and reinstall all the software. Yeah, I've got an IT assistant whom I pay to do that sort of thing. But my life is on that computer, at least big parts of it. I've got to be sure I have access to everything while the rebuild takes place.
Lots of little things accumulating and conspiring against my contentedness: One employee on medical leave; a second still learning; a contract lead who's less than clear on what he wants, and seems intent on asking us to work on areas of research far from our expertise and distant from what he originally asked for and what we proposed to accomplish; hardware that won't quite do what we expect it to; children who are a bit too hard to deal with at the moment.
Funny thing, all I really want is the freedom to pursue my research, to put my mind and talents to their best use. Damn the Academy for denying me those opportunities where I thought I should expect them; damn myself for the stubbornness to pursue them against the tide of circumstance.
Ha! I guess I make myself laugh too. My three boys at the moment and chasing each other in circles. Pitter patter pitter patter pitter patter. It's been rainy. They're happy at least, not fighting. Far worse things than that.
As life is. At the end of the week or early next week, I'll have in place a line of credit from my business bank. Good thing too. I haven't been able to pay myself since December. I've got about 7 or 8 checks piled up in a drawer awaiting my ability to cash them. The first two invoices (one on each contract) are awaiting payment, and a third should be submitted this week. It'll be a couple months until I catch up. But I will.
The tax accountant has been slow in finalizing our filings. I've had to draw from savings to cover the expected payments. Yes, far worse things than having to pay taxes, and having the savings to draw from.
Life's pretty good I know it. It's just been one of those days.
Friday, April 2, 2010
The joys...
I sit today in a quiet office. One of my new employees is presently on indefinite medical leave, which started less than a month after her hire date. We hope she'll be able to return to work in a couple weeks, but it's not certain that she will be able to return full-time, whether she'll be able to fulfill all the requirements of the job, or whether she'll be returning at all. Bummer. My second full-time new hire is apparently "not feeling well" this morning, though he hasn't accumulated any PTO yet (no PTO for the first month, and April's allotment is vested to him on the first of May). Perhaps he'll be in after lunch. I trust that he'll make up the lost hours over the next week or two. [SIGH!]
But I'm here, where I've been the past few years, plugging away. They call this stage of entrepreneurship the firefighter stage. Lots of fires keep flaring up. Let's hope I can keep putting them out, without losing sight of the forest I'm protecting.
But I'm here, where I've been the past few years, plugging away. They call this stage of entrepreneurship the firefighter stage. Lots of fires keep flaring up. Let's hope I can keep putting them out, without losing sight of the forest I'm protecting.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Cool
Yours truly just received word that I've been selected for a regional "cool" award for starting a new and innovative business. Awards dinner, local/regional recognition, and a couple grand in cold hard cash. Pretty cool!
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