Monday, March 10, 2008

Apprehension

These days are a bit of a blur. Much to do. Many little things occupy my time.

I still worry about the world. I hope for peace in the Middle East. I wonder at how similar these "suicide bombers" may really be to the American-style school shooters. How different really is a 25-year old murderer in Jerusalem from a 26-year old murderer in Dekalb? I hope for peaceful retransition to democracy in Pakistan. I hope for a peaceful resolution to the infantile yet dangerous posturing of Iran on nuclear enrichment. I wonder if this country of mine will have the wherewithal to reject the war-mongering of a John McCain presidency. (I can't help but laugh darkly at the incongruence of Dick Cheney talking up peace and concern over high-priced oil in the Middle East). I wonder whether (should a Democrat take the White House) there will be strength and foresight to rise above the populism of today's campaigning to deal with serious issues with seriousness, rather than short-sighted popularity-raising.

And... I remain a little apprehensive about the next few years for my family as well. I've taken care to move much of our non-retirement savings and investments into more stable holdings, which have so far proven somewhat immune to the wild swings of the market (though our retirement holdings have not). For now I still believe we've got a good two years of living expenses covered. I worry that something will still go wrong with the purchase, that the loan (though the loan officer assures me everything is kosher--the appraisal is scheduled for tomorrow) will somehow slip away, and we'll be left without a house to move to. Irrational fears perhaps... but it ain't over 'til it's over.

There's really little to fear perhaps. We're incredibly lucky, I realize, that we can even consider this move. There are many no less worthy than us who couldn't imagine two months without income, much less two years, even if our calculated risk takes us to a region with a cost of living 15-20% below the U.S. average. We've been smart with our money, I'll venture... but very lucky nonetheless. I want nothing more at the moment than to prove worthy of this time. It's not without risk. But then how much are two years of life worth? The risk I'm willing to take.

1 comment:

Lilian said...

I'd probably be much more apprehensive than you are, my friend. But after last year's incredible scare and the fact that now we're going to be gr33n card holders soon so we can work anywhere and not have to go back to Brazil forced by the circumstances, I think I won't be afraid of anything anymore. Those almost two months were very useful in this respect. The innocent joy is lost, but strength has been born of suffering. (clich├ęs, but very true).

I just wrote a post and linked to your rejection letter photos. I showed it to my husband last night. We're following your story with great interest and we really want you to be successful.