Monday, February 1, 2010

Waiting ain't what it used to be

Yes... I'm still waiting. But, waiting with a great deal more confidence and enthusiasm. Is there not always something to anticipate, something new? I've sometimes considered the tragic flaw of characters from my real life their attachment to a worldview of "same old same old". What a pity their lives must be.

No, things change in life. Each morning a new sun rises; each day a new person looks back in the mirror. There's a bounce in my step these days, though not one immune to ups and downs. I still complain, and bristle at the waits.

It's been nearly one year since I completed my first six month contract as an independent researcher. It was about four months later that I received the green light for the second six month contract (supposedly transitional funding to get to the two year). And now it's been more than a month since that contract expired. I wait for the big two year in hand. Someday soon, I suppose.

It's been more than five months since my firm was selected to receive a separate six month contract from another agency. I wait too for that contract to be issued (perhaps today, tomorrow?). I grumble, yes. I haven't paid myself since November. I'm floating credit cards for a month or two, because we don't have the free cash to pay them off.

Last week, I was finally notified that we would be receiving a low-interest rate loan from the state to cover the gap between our expenses and the payment we'll receive on these (still pending) contracts. A loan in the end, not a grant. Funny thing, the loan is because we're further along (i.e. grants are for those companies waiting to hear about selection). We've already been selected to receive funding, so they suppose we'll be able to pay it back more assuredly.

I can bemoan these things, or just accept them. In light of where I am, how far I've come, the opportunities that loom ahead of me, the chances to pursue my passions, and hire and support others in that endeavor, it hardly seems appropriate to dwell on negatives.

So, I wait... but I fill my time with tasks, myriad tasks, administrative, and some creative. I'm thinking ahead to my next 5-10 year plan. I wonder if that will be reached in three like my last one?


Lilian said...

Well, enjoy your "good waiting" wholeheartedly (you already are, I know)! I fully agree with you that there's always something new to look forward to and that's a great consolation -- knowing that tomorrow will bring surprises and that planning for it is well worth it.

__air said...

What was bad, only gets worse.