Monday, August 17, 2009

Am I ready?

Big changes. Lots of waiting. Lost time, dissipated energies.

Today, I'll be putting down the earnest money for the building purchase. I hope to make a decision by mid-week regarding what bank I'll be working with for the mortgage. I have preliminary commitment from one, and should receive word from the other today. I've asked each for a written estimate of costs and terms, so I can compare them.

Soon I'll have an office building, not just a one-room space like I had in SoCal before heading to these parts. I'll have some resumes to review in the next couple months, and likely three full-time employees come next year. I've got to negotiate salary and benefits, assign tasks, provide training, establish expectations, oversee the projects.

I shake my head. I sit in my swivel chair, jeans and a tee-shirt, knees akimbo leaning against the armrests. feet on the seat, fingers tapping the keys, elbows between my open legs. I'm not the image of a businessman, a high-powered negotiator.

I've had trouble lately getting back into the research. I've been overwhelmed by all the logistics: the proposals, and statements of work; the legal wranglings, establishing, registering and organizing a partnership for the building purchase; researching tax ramificiations; writing and rewriting and tweaking budgets and accounting methods; writing and distributing job descriptions; worrying over patent issues and protecting intellectual property (including how to deal with employees, and the proper guidelines and documents).

I've been distracted by the wait: to hear back from the three agencies I have outstanding proposals submitted to; from job applicants; from the university across the sea that has had my application for two months now; and from my funding agency to finalize the two-year contract I'm anticipating (which may remain unsettled for a few months yet, as it works its way through the myriad offices that need to sign off).

I turn back to the research, now months since I worked on it in earnest: I realize I've got to start over, piecing together the tools, trying to understand my notes, relearning the coding and programming that I've let lapse. There's a sinking worry in the pit of my stomach: Have I let it go too much? But that's the challenge of an entrepreneur, at least one of my ilk. It's all on me, and sometimes that means letting one thing go in order to attend to others.

Partly, I'm still awaiting official commentary and feedback from my agency lead. It's hard to move ahead with a project until the direction I've outlined has been approved. It's like heading out for Georgia, but wondering if I'll be asked to arrive in Nevada instead. So, I circle around, waiting for guidance.

It'll all come back, I'm sure. I'm mostly just worried over the report I have due around the end of the month, and just how I can word it to reflect the substantial (but mostly administrative) issues that have preoccupied me most of the time since the second part of my contract was approved.

1 comment:

Lilian said...

Wow, tough stuff, but I think you're more than ready.