Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Anxiety, Self-Doubt, Courage

Rocket recently put it rather astutely: Right now, I'm just a bit overwhelmed. Indeed! Echo that for me.
  • Three boys at home.
    • Delightful they are, but exhausting.
    • The youngest, now a mere two weeks alive, still in that stage of "WOW! The World!" [SNORT SNORT SNUFFLE GRUNT] [Grimace]
      • For those with kids: you forget this stage, but there he is, completely dependent upon us, and with little to do but flop and observe.
      • For those without kids: This stage of life is like having a very precious, demanding, and wonderful pet, whom you know, you just know, will grow very suddenly into something even more remarkable. But you wait.
    • The middle boy trying (I know he's trying) to leave behind diapers and enter the world of the potty-trained (but our patience gives out at times, when all the training pants and clothes are dirty).
    • The oldest is ready for the new move. He couldn't understand why we'll only be spending five days on our upcoming trip.
      • I thought we were going to move to a new house?
      • Um... but we've got to find a place, we've got to be sure we'll like the new town, we've got to put an offer on a house, then pack, and figure out how we're going to move, and... Come here, give me a hug.
  • A wife on leave, with vanishingly little intention to return to her job.
    • I'm proud of her courage.
    • I just fear I won't provide for her the way she has for me these past several years.
  • A small horde of savings that may last us about two years.
    • A jittery economy and financial markets don't settle my worries, though I'm glad I started moving a chunk of funds out of equities into cash and bonds last September. My hunch was right.
  • A world of possibilities.
  • Will I succeed in building my ideas into marketable products?
    • Will I retain myself, will I maintain my commitments to bettering the world?
    • Will I remember my research while I need to find ways for it to pay for itself?
  • I try to remember that I am me, no matter what.
  • I try to recall that none of the important things in life (my family, my self, my mind) are at risk. Only money, and time.

1 comment:

Lilian said...

You are so courageous already!! I don't know if we would bear to be in a situation like yours. Well, we most probably would, but it is scary!

We're preparing ourselves for something like this because of our uncertainty. Minus the newborn, that is, although I'd really like one, but I guess it won't happen to us, it's the best decision I think.